Doin' a whole lot of nothin'

Today I have done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, nothing in a way of important things. I slept super late... like 10:45. That had to do with a bout of insomnia last night. I was wide awake until 2 am.
Then I got busy watching the last two episodes of Oz Season 2. I'm getting hooked on it. Just another show to add to my desensitized sense to violence. Seriously, one episode showed a group of inmates crucifying another inmate to the floor. Nails in hands, nail in feet. I hardly flinched.
I went tanning today. For many years (ten) I was able to tan for free at the salon I worked at. Then I started getting some very fine lines around my eyes and I blamed tanning rather than age. From there I banned myself from the act and got on the "tanning is bad for you" bandwagon. Then I noticed that the lines came anyway. Sure, there's the whole cancer thing to consider too. Anyway, for the past couple of years I go for 10 sessions right before I go on vacation whether there's sun where I'm going or not. It just makes me feel not so pasty white in the pictures.
So, there's my busy day. I've been running all week and so today I don't care if I really get anything done. Except laundry. It's always good to have clean unders for the week.

First one sent off into cyber space

I just sent in my first cover letter and resume. I sent it to the company my step mom works for (she's VP). I sent it directly to the President and CEO of the company as she suggested. I'm thinking it would be ideal as far as tasks, location and advancement opportunities. The pay should be comparable to what I just left... if not a tad better. We shall see.
The applying part is fun and exciting. The interviewing part is what freaks me out. I'm confident enough but I have a hard time "bragging" about myself. Although I am most excellent generally speaking.

On a completely off topic note, I've officially lost 15 lbs. Although it's not enough for me to tell, a few people have noticed something and that is motivation enough (and I bought a new scale).

Bithday girls

I had a birthday yesterday. It was pretty uneventful. I used to be so excited to have a birthday but now it's just another day. I saw my mom and we ate brunch then did some shopping. Later I went to my stepmom's and had dinner and cake.
My (half)sister and I have the same birthday. We are 19 years apart almost to the hour. She makes the day a little more special. Although, it wasn't always that way. At first I was extremely resentful that I had to share MY birthday. Now it's pretty cool. She doesn't know any different, she's always had to share her day with me. I hope she has never and will never feel cheated.
So she's 18 and I'm 37. She wants to go get a tattoo together. She's talked about it for about a year and when we recently talked about that possiblility it turns out we wanted the same tattoo in the same spot. I told her she needs to really think about this. It took me almost ten years to finally get my tattoo and she says, "yeah, and you got a butterfly just like everyone gets a butterfly for their first tattoo." Dang. I thought everyone got a rose or rosebud. My bad.
I guess we'll get them soon is all I can say.
37 seems like a pretty alright age. True, I'm not married, I'm really as single as they come. I have no children and none on the way. I keep saying maybe one day but I'm really not in a hurry. Sure, the clock is ticking but do I want kids? I struggle with this a lot. A lot.
But it's another year and here I am with a ton of possibilities in front of me. 37 could be a great year.

WHEEEEW!!

Friday I got my vacation pay (I had over a month banked), my last paycheck and I will receive my first installment of my severance in two weeks and every two weeks after that for 18 weeks total. I feel extremely lucky.
I'm taking a slow approach to the job search but I hope to have a job by the end of March or beginning of April. I've been out of work for a week now and I'm already bored outta my gourd. I still have plenty to do on my to-do list but it's not going to last me. Maybe I could do something part-time just to have something to do.
I hate looking for a job. I have always had a job lined up before I end a job. I have stayed at my jobs for years and years. I feel loyal to my employers. Where did I read or hear that these days the average person stays at a job or with a company for an average of five years? Or was it three? Nobody stays someplace for 30 years anymore.
One option I will look into is taking a refesher course to activate my Cosmetology license. May as well since I have the time and the money. Maybe I'll look into a photography class as well.
Everything cost money...

Holding my breath

Still waiting on the severance. Things keep changing and it's frustrating and unfair. Granted, the company doesn't have to give me a severance but it was promised to me and is still not delivered.
Tomorrow I'm suppose to pick up my last check, my vacation pay, and my severance. However, rather than a lump sum I will receive it in installments. I'll find out more tomorrow.
Today was the first day that it hit me that I have to find a new job. Today I got my first twinge of anxiety. It also occurred to me that this is an opportunity to start new, try something different. Although pay will be my main issue in my job search I feel confidant.
I'm so afraid I'm going to get some kind of bad news tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive and keep the attitude that I will deal with whatever issues when I cross that bridge. Right now I have a strong desire to run. Where to I have no clue, just away. I want to turn off my phone, not talk to anyone and just be alone. I care that people care but it's overwhelming. All the questions of "how are you doing?", "what will you do?" being asked four, five times a day is freaking me out to be honest. I just lost my job. How can I instantly get in the mentality of a job search? I know I will have to but I just need a second to catch my breath.

Day one

Today I should have gotten up and gone to work but instead I slept until 9:45, watched the last episode of season two The Wire, and made a To Do list.
I am still on the payroll for this week but am not working. Works for me. I will get a phone call today or tomorrow regarding the severance. I was able to gather information and am certain I will receive it.
There are different channels to go through: court, blah, blah, blah, since the company filed for bankruptcy. I am feeling optimistic about it all though. I have some options and several connections I will be utilizing.
Right now, I'm starting this off with the attitude that I'm enjoying the time off.
My weekend was full and offered plenty of distractions... and unsolicited well-intentioned advice. My family celebrated four January birthday's on Saturday. I got all four seasons of The Office. I am just giddy about it!
Sunday I got away from it all by driving down to my mom's. I enjoyed free laundry and free food. Something that comes in handy when one isn't employed. Throw in quality time with my mom and a long beautiful drive (even in the winter), it wasn't half bad.

Ummm... okay...

New developments.

No severance today.

No vacation pay today.

Possibly Tuesday.

I'm thouroughly pisssed.

I'm kind of numb.

Maybe I'll contract for a time.

Get my hopes up?

Better not.

Looking forward to the new.

Neighbor is bitching about the Board.

No details yet, just a message.


This should be good.

My friends are the best.

What am I still doing up?

Oh yeah, I don't have a job.

Big Brother: Age 40

My older brother's birthday was Sunday. He turned 40. To have a brother who is 40 is a bit surreal as it means I will be 37 shortly. It's also surreal as I still see my brother being 28. I also see myself as being 28. But, how can that be because we weren't born in the same year and neither of us has been 28 for quite some time... him longer than myself, I'd like to point out.

Christmas Day 2008

Although I adore my brother now, I haven't always gotten along with him. There were many times I got the wind knocked out of me from a blow to the stomach. I was also tortured with him pinning me down on my back, arms locked above my head with one of his hands and either being tickled to near death or having his chin or knuckles dig into my chest.


I been forced to smell his breath in the same position described above and there was that one time he came into my room at night and told me to smell his finger. This is the same brother who stood up for me because one of his friends put dirt in my dolly's hair. The same one who, without validation or hesitation, chased down the girl who I said stole my bike... just because she had the same bike as me.


I'll admit, I pushed his buttons and enjoyed it since he's the one that always got in trouble. I think our teen years were the worst. This involved more yelling, throwing glasses, throwing records, hitting back and tears - from both of us. Yet I cried when, at 18, he moved to California. I cried again three months later from happiness this time because he moved back.


We've grown up together. We share experiences that noone else in our family has. WE are the product of our divorced parents. We shared the ups and downs but maybe in seperate ways. After all, he was the older brother, first born, only son and I was the younger sister, baby, only daughter.


I consider myself extremely lucky to have an older brother. Even more lucky to have the older brother I have. He's funny, intellegent, talented and honest. Traits we share from being raised in the same household with the same values. Yet our way of life is so completely different. I am a planner. He lives day to day. In some ways I'm envious of that but I like to believe he's a bit envious of me too.

Sign here

On Friday, at 8:15 a.m., I will sign an "Involuntary Separation Program Agreement and Release"

At 2:30 this afternoon I was called into "the conference room". Yes, I have been laid off due to the company's financial situation. My last day is Friday.... this Friday. Yeah, no shit, the currant owners have run a 142 year old company into the ground in a matter of 18 months.

One good thing about being loyal to a company and putting in years of service is that when you get laid off you get two weeks pay for every year you've worked there. Luckily I have been given a severance that will allow me almost five months until I enter panic mode.

What pissed me off is the man who gave me the news I'd only met once for maybe five seconds. He knows nothing of what I do, how I do it, and the fact that nobody, literally nobody knows the programs I use. Of course it's difficult to lay someone off that hasn't done anything wrong. On paper my position could be eliminated. So be it. BUT, I got no greeting handshake, no apology, no thank you for your nearly 10 years of service, no eye contact. Just business and move along to the next one.

I'm looking at this as a blessing in disguise. I'm getting a severance. If I find a job with in three months, I have a chunk of money I can pay down, and in some cases off, my debts. So this is good, right? Plus, it's a push for me to get out of a job that I got stuck in, too comfortable. I could be getting a larger pay check somewhere else, I'm sure. But I had it sooooo good where I was. Great boss, wore jeans every day, I could take the day off with only a day's notice. I guess it's time to grow up and get a big girl job.

This is hopefully the beginning of something positive.

New blog!

My friend Jen and I have started a blog together. On it we are posting a random photo from our day.
I, unfortunately, am having technical difficulties with the flash on my camera. But, it's a fun little project that I hope we keep up.
I love taking pictures and this will add a bit of a challenge to look at things differently, in a more creative sense.

Take a picture, it lasts longer!

Good dog

This is my dad's dog Zelda. She's a German Shorthair. She's sweet and loyal and just an all around good dog. She's about ten years old now and starting to really grey in her muzzle and eyebrows. What used to be solid black is now speckled with white. I love to kiss the top of her head and the temple area. She loves kisses too.

Spazz

From Post Secret

I actually laughed out loud at this one because it's something I do and think.

Blah to YAY in 60 seconds

I've just been asked to be godmother to my niece! I'm so excited and honored to be asked. It is really unexpected.

The service will be held on my birthday. An event like this demands a new outfit!

I was in such a terrible mood yesterday. Feeling down about money and my job and all the "what ifs". But, I got my haircut by my good friend Jen Jen Jennifer. We had some laughs and she let me vent. It's good to be around friends when you're in a funk. Then I got the voice mail from my stepsister asking me to be godmother.

Today is so much better. Being in a funk really doesn't get me anywhere.

I have meese

I got a new neighbor upstairs from me in September or so. Younger guy, late 20's (Crap, I'm calling people in their late 20's "younger", next I'll be adding "whipper snapper" to that), has two kids that visit ages 8 and 10 maybe.

I have spent numerous hours at my neighbor's and have heard nothing more than a few squeaks from the unit above them. I have talked to neighbors asking if they can hear the people upstairs. "oh, a few squeaks once in a while".

I have only one conclusion to come to: The guy upstairs from me is part moose. He is in constant motion. I swear he's pacing at high speed. Every time he uses the bathroom he lets the toilet seat slam. It sounds like he's in MY bathroom. Both fortunately and unfortunately I try not to complain. However, I know this is beyond the "norm" when it comes to community living.

Here's a typical evening: He comes in the door stomping off... what? He's been in his car, gets out in the underground garage, walks through the building onto an elevator to the third floor. What could he be stomping off? Then it's heavy walking to the bedroom, to the bathroom (BANG) to the kitchen (SLAM) to the living room and around and around boom-boom-boom and thump and stomp and thud and pound and slam... This will go on for hours. An occasional thump will cause a picture on my wall to shutter. What the frick is going on up there? What is he so busy doing? Can I tell him to just sit down, take a break? Then his kids come over and there are THREE moosies up there, each one taking turns making the rounds.

This past Sunday there was some little kid (I'd imagine it's a baby moose) tearing around making more noise than all of them combined. How can little feet be so heavy? My next door neighbor called me and asked me what was going on, did I hear all that noise? Uh, yeah, I'm watching my ceiling about to cave in. If I had a chandelier the thing would be shaking and swinging.

I was mad and I knew I had to talk to him, let him know there are no moose, mooses or meese allowed. But because I was so mad and frustrated I was afraid I'd say some mean horrible things and then stomp on his feet so he'd be laid up for the next month mending the broken bones. hmmmm....

It took two days and countless drafts of writing a little note to leave if he didn't answer his door. Monday night at about 9 pm I took a deep breath and walked upstairs, note in hand with a little piece of tape for if I needed to leave it. I almost pooped myself as I raised my hand to gently knock. Ohmygod, ohmygod it's too late now. What am I going to do if he answers? I should have brought a paper bag in case I start to hyperventilate. He didn't answer and I got to get away with just leaving the note.

In the note I explained in just a few sentences that his heavy walking, thumping and stomping was disruptive and very loud. I asked him to please be more aware and quiet since the floors/ceilings aren't sound proof. Short and sweet - I hope.

I woke up that night at about 12:30 - 1 from little squeaks in the floor above me but no thumps. Fingers crossed that it becomes the new norm!

Five minutes of random thoughts at 10 pm last night

• I'm still full from lunch.
• This Senate race is an embarrassment.
• My stomach is fat and gross.
• Is it okay to wear earplugs every night?
• What if I were homeless?
• I wonder what's going to happen.
• There's only bad news on the news.
• Mmmm - chocolate cake.
• He broke me and I hate him for it.
• If I had to lose a sense, which could I part with?
• I wish I grew up with cousins my age.
• Will I ever be in a real relationship?
• Could I eat human flesh if my plane crashed in the Andes?
• The news anchor on the evening news has distractingly white teeth.
• I could use a belly hurting laugh right now.
• Oh Grandpa...
• I'm tires of taking care of everything myself.
• Will we ever know what happened to Jacob Wetterling?
• Spa, spa, spa!

Goals

I don't make resolutions but I like to think of the new year as a clean slate. I like to think of this time ahead of me to make things different than the year before.

1. I will not torture myself with peeking into the lives of the past. I must look forward.

2. I will bury the negative feelings and carry on. I can no longer play the blame game.

3. I will not worry about that which I have no control over.

4. I will stop depriving myself of nice things. I deserve quality.

5. I will set more realistic goals for my weight loss.

6. I will travel. Even in this economy I will do what I love.

7. I will nurture my mind, body and spirit. All are suffering.

8. I will stop feeling as though I should be somewhere else in life. I can be me where I am right now.

9. I will take classes and activities that I've put off. Photography, yoga...

10. I will bite my tongue. I've had two people close to me tell me I'm mean and that has hit me hard.

11. I will go on an adventure. Something exhilerating, something fun.

Am I the only normal one or am I the only abnormal one?

One of the condo owners is frustrated because we have asked all the units to have a mandatory plumbing inspection in hopes that leaks can be found before they become a major issue costing thousands of dollars. This particular owner is known to go on a rampage and then backs off for several months. Sometimes it's quite entertaining. The thing that I’ve observed is that everyone gets defensive, reacts to her tone and then doesn’t work with her. I’ve learned she’s the type that you have to read between the lines with. You have to listen to her words rather than her tone.

In her letter, she throws in some threat of contacting her attorney, something random about the maintenance man’s salary and “the Board doing just what it wants and, particularly [the president]”

There are a handful of unit owners who simply don’t care for the current president… and more and more, I’m not caring for her much either. She’s gossipy and then plays this innocent role or the sick role or the I’m-just-a-sweet-little-old-women role.

The manager sent the board members a copy of the letter she wanted to send back to this woman in response. I was pretty much appalled by the lack of professionalism not to mention all the typos. This is a reoccurring issue that I have no tolerance for.

In my limited experience and in my education I’ve learned that you don’t respond to an “irate” customer by basically saying they don’t make any sense (even if they don’t). Things like:

“Your comment of conflict of interest makes not sense and I have no idea what
you are referring to.”

“I have communicated with you in the past and will again now regarding
[maintenance man’s] salary. I have no idea how you know what [maintenance
man’s] salary is. Please inform me. What do you think a full time
maintenance person, completing the daily tasks that [maintenance man] does,
should be paid? What legal activity has taken place? What laws are
being broken? I am at a loss as to what you are referencing.”

“What reason would you hire an attorney?”

“What has [president] done that you have an issue with?”

“I am afraid I have many more questions for you that you have for me. If
you would like to elaborate, I can possibly assist you with answers.”

It put me off and I wasn’t the one who would ultimately be on the receiving end of it. She sounded paranoid and unprofessional. So, I made major changes (as the manager is representing us, I will not look foolish!). I was very proud of the end result following this introduction to the attachment:

I “niced” it up a bit. One thing, I would is not even acknowledge her
comment about [president] as it’s obviously some personal issue and I wouldn’t
feed it. I also think asking “what legal actions” or “what laws are being
broken” etc. is unnecessary. I believe they are somewhat empty threats as
she obviously doesn’t have anything to go on. They are just something she
thinks will scare you… for whatever reason. Anyway, that’s my take on
it. Just stick with the facts and not feed her a bunch of questions.
If it continues, you could ask her for some documentation of her concerns. –
Laura

The Looney Tune president responds:

Laura: If [homeowner] has an issue with me, I really don't know what it
could be. I've never personally met her, nor have we ever had any real
personal contact.. The only time I've had any contact with her was when
she came to a board meeting, I called on her and she screamed and hollered
and when [manager] tried to explain things to her, she got up and walked
out. I'm getting the feeling that you think I've had something to do with
all this. I have never had a personal grudge against anyone and even when
they have attacked me personally, I have not responded. It would have put
me at their level. I have talked to and recorded telephone messages from some
residents who have used terrible foul language on me. I have told them
that I would be happy to discuss things with them when they could talk to me
civilly and not swear at me. There is a difference between swearing and
swearing at me and calling me filthy names. I do not have to listen to
that sort of thing, nor do [manager], [maintenance], [company]. No one
does.

WHAT? Did I miss something? I take a deep breath, trying not to call her names and respond:

Dumbarse (okay, not really), you’ve misunderstood. If you reread what I
wrote it says “I would is not even acknowledge her comment about [president] as
it’s obviously some personal issue and I wouldn’t feed it”. How you
interpreted that to mean I think you have something to do with “this” is beyond
me. The personal issues I referred to are [homeowner’s] obvious personal
issues and is taking them out on you… for whatever reason. My opinion is
that feeding into those is just encouragement.

And she comes up the usual:

Sorry, Dear. I did misunderstand. I'm not feeling too sharp and
conseqently seem to take things wrong.

I hate being called “Dear”. And being on the board may drive me to drink heavily.

Weighing the need for a scale

The holidays are over and now I can get back on track with the whole weight loss thing. I managed to loose 8.4 lbs but the week of Christmas I gained 1.6 - shucks, I was hungry, okay? It happens but my mind is back in the game.

I was just writing an e-mail with a friend about doing Weight Watchers online. I'm trying to justify spending $40 a month to have someone weigh me, hand me a little brochure with not much value, and sit in a meeting and listen to the same things I've heard before or already know by some girl who wants to always bring everything back to her c-section. Or the one that holds her picture of herself through the meeting from when she was a "weight lifter". Or the one who lists everything she's eaten for the past week followed by the points.

Anyway, I know how to do this. I've just always needed a support system. Friends that can check in on me and I can check in on them. Now I've got four I can hopefully do that with!

I feel badly that I'm ditching my meeting friend but I gotta do what I gotta do, right? Plus, I'd rather save the $40 a month and put down $60 for a full year access to the high school fitness facilities that are right across the street from me.

Also, I need a new scale. This is an example on how I make due with what I have. My "If it ain't broke don't fix it" attitude. My guilty feelings of spending money on something that I don't really NEED, just want.

So, my scale is a hand-me-down from my mom and I know for a fact it is at least 16 years old - at least. It's digital, it's powder blue, the topping is peeling off... but it works and that's what holds me back.

DAMMIT! I deserve a new scale!

Couch patayta

It's been freezing these past couple of weeks and it makes me hate goinig outside. I've been watching excessive amounts of rented DVDs and going to movies.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - really good
Seven Pounds - good
Australia - really good - Hugh Jackman - nuff said.
Nights in Rodanthe - I decided I can't stand Richard Gere.
The Wire: Season 1 - Good!
Bones: Season 2 - LOVE. David Boreanaz!!