Sort of out of sorts

I've been somewhat out or my brain for the past several days. Mostly because nothing has really been going on (other than gorging myself on a turkey dinner last Saturday on a trip up to Hinckley).


After eating to the point where we couldn't stand, walk, sit, we managed to lay down on the floor. After a couple minutes, the juvenile humor began. The most dangerous part of this is laughing so hard that we're literally rolling on the floor. It hurts so good.


Yesterday I had a punch in the gut as I noticed a friend on my Facebook page sent me a friend suggestion. I click on the link and it's hell revisited. A person from my past that I really need to leave in the past. Memories of this person are toxic. I have absolutely zero longing for this person. My anger has surfaced. My disgust is prominent. I am walking a thin line between detest and hate. The good news is that I now see this person as a joke - everything they have said, done, will say and will do. I bask in the belief in Karma.


Make him go away.

Assembly line

From Post Secret:
There are many day I agree!

Happy Birthday, Momma!

Still learning life lessons

I ran to Aldi last night at about 6:30 for milk. I'm very excited because they now take all debit and check cards so I will be shopping there more often... but that's beside the point. I was in a hurry because The Biggest Loser was coming on at 7. When I got back into my car at 6:38, nothing happened when I turned the key. My battery was dead.

After a brief period of panic, I called my neighbor (yes, that one). She earned her gold star by coming the half mile to give my battery a jump. At first nothing, that suckah was dead. Once back to my place I backed into my garage stall and it died. It died dead.

My neighbor said to not hesitate to call if I needed her in the morning.

I needed her in the morning.

I hate asking for help. I do everything on my own, by myself. I figure it out and I do it. I refuse to be a helpless female. Unfortunately, I forget that everyone needs help from time to time and it's okay to ask for help and accept help when it's offered. I'm always afraid I'm going to cause people to feel put out.

I waited until 8:10 this morning to call my neighbor. From 7:40 - 8:10 I practically worked my way into a tizzy because I was afraid I'd wake her up, I was afraid she'd feel put out, I was afraid of asking for help.

We got my car going again and I drove the 10 miles to work. All along the way my stomach was doing flips and I was sure that my car would die in the middle of traffic and I'd be one of those people. The ones who are stopped in the middle of a lane with their flashers on while angry drivers are trying to maneuver their way around.

Luckily, I made it without incident and luckily I work at a garage. A battery has been ordered and will be delivered. My car is in a nice warm building and someone will put my new battery in. They will do this without a second thought because they want to help me and they don't see me as a damsel in distress.

I've got a lot to learn

I had my second weigh in last night. This past week I lost 4 lbs. While I'm very excited, I am also reluctant to celebrate too much. I know the first week can be a big loss and I know it's a big loss because I was quite the piggy the couple weeks leading up to the first week.

I didn't follow to the book but I did fairly well staying within my points. This time around, I did discover some habits that I will try to break in the coming weeks.

I binge. I'm a secret eater. The first paragraph rang too true for me:

From the time I was a little girl, I was a sneaky eater. I can remember tiptoeing into the kitchen, gently opening the cupboard where my mom kept old mayonnaise jars full of cookies and crackers, slipping some out and eating them as quickly as I could. I've always had a sweet tooth, and I craved foods that weren't good for me. Then when I was a teenager and became heavy, I got into the mind-set of, "It's not okay for me to eat this so I have to sneak it."

I eat well and little in front of others but when I'm home by myself, I turn into a human vacuum.

I'm a sugaraholic. I crave cookies, cake, ice cream, candy...

I have a habit of having a dessert immediately after I've eaten. It's automatic and I don't even think about it. It's usually ice cream.

I eat when I'm not hungry. I'm trying to figure out the exact reason for this. Obviously I'm an emotional eater but what emotion triggers it, I'm not sure.

So, this time around, I feel like I'm going to finally make that lifestyle change that Weight Watchers is always raving about. I need to put my childish eating habits away.

Lovely weekend, thankyouverymuch.

My dad, my step mom and I went to the Ordway to watch about a dozen of the 30 opera auditions for the MN Opera. I enjoyed it more than I thought. Enough to want to see an opera now.

In May, I got my dad a gift certificate for a shave at Heime's. He finally used it on Saturday. It was fun to watch. But the handle bar mustaches that most of the staff wore was too much. One guy had something weird going on with his little goatee. I was distracted by it when he talked and couldn't possibly take him seriously. What does he do when he's on his own time wearing a Nike running suit to Target? Does he wax up the ol' goat and hold his head high as he browses the TP isle?

My dad was browsing around the shop while we were waiting for his appointment and some shoe salesman latched on to us. He went on and on about this shoe and that shoe. My dad showed no interest but the guy wasn't going to let up. The salesman went on and on about the way this shoe was made and he's been selling these for 18 years and those are only made in such and such, blah, blah, blah. He finally said, "I sold two pair of those yesterday". My dad turns to him and as he walked away said, "congratulations". Is that the best or what?!

Later we had a lunch I would kill to eat again. We went to the St. Paul Grill and I had "The Grill" Charlie's.

Two Grilled Medallions of Beef Tenderloin on Fresh Potato Rolls topped with Caramelized Onions and Horseradish Mayonnaise. Served with a Side of Béarnaise.

It was done so perfectly I whimpered with every delicious bite.


On Sunday, after much debate and trying to convince my friend's daughter NOT to do this, I caved. Cierra has been toying with the idea of coloring her hair black. Her beautiful brown highlighted hair. I tried talking her into dark, dark brown. "No, I want black". I told her once you go black, you never go back. "Black". So, I did it. It's drastic and makes her look an entirely different race (she's biracial- black/white). She just called me this afternoon to thank me again and tell me she loves it. Whew!

Let me tell you about Cierra. I met her when she was three months old. Her mom and I were just becoming friends our senior year of high school. I spent more days with Cierra and her mom than I did with my own family. I fell so deeply in love with this little girl it sometimes took my breath away. She has always been sweet and loving and funny and beautiful and she completely adored me. She is now 18 and an adult but still very much my baby girl. She fills my heart with so much love and I can't imagine my life before her or without her. Anyway, that's my Cierra. Cierra with the black hair.

Dog Dance

I loved this video. I actually got a little choked up especially at minute mark 1:50 when they "danced" back to back.

Election Day

Too many people have asked me already "have you voted yet" I had three people ask me before 9 am. I'm not sure what the fascination is. If I say yes, that's the end of that, no questions asked. If I say no, there are questions to answer. Are you going to vote? When? Where do you vote?

Does any of this really matter to individuals other than the candidates? Is it just conversation? I'm not completely offended, I'm just a very private person when it comes to religion and politics as far as the general public is concerned.

I will be voting after work. I believe that as it is my right, my privilege, to vote, it is also my right NOT to vote. It is not required of me.

This is the first presidential election that I have paid enough attention that I believe I can make an informative vote. I'm not basing my vote on the opinions of others. I'm not voting based on what my friends and/or family are voting on. I'm not voting based on being a Democrat or Republican. I'm voting for what I agree on, what I believe will be best for the country, what I believe will allow me to sleep at night.

One thing is certain, I will be so happy when the commercials are over and the mailings stop.

Update: My own mother asked me, "Have you voted? You HAVE to vote". I said I was voting but that I didn't have to. "Oh yes you do. Your mother said so".

Back on the wagon - take 6

I'm going back to Weight Watchers tonight. I've done it before and lost 31 lbs. That was also thanks to an overactive thyroid. Now, with medication, I have an underactive thyroid and I've gained a million lbs. back. So, back to meetings since I need the structure, support and accountabilty that they bring.

I'm not setting any goals other than to lose. I'll go every Monday, wearing the same outfit so the material I have one doesn't cause even a 10th of a pound gain. I'm wearing my tightest pair of jeans that will fit perfectly by the end of the year (ie. no muffin top)... right?