The definition of a fool

A fool is someone who is off work starting Friday at noon and comes back on Tuesday only to look at the calender around 10 a.m. and see that they were to be off on that day as well.

Who forgets to take a day off?!?!

Fortunately I had today to take off and all is well.

Feeling VERY bah-humbuggy this year

Things have changed so much since my grandpa passed away in the fall of 2005.  He was the family glue.  Without him there is no gathering for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas is losing it's appeal.

Forever I have dreamed and anticipated Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family (Day is reserved for my dad).  I have forever been solid in my traditions - where we go, what we eat, etc.  It's what makes Christmas.

Today I visited the cemetery, brushed off the dusting of freshly fallen snow and shed a few tears because I miss my grandma and grandpa so much.  I miss who he was and what he represented.  Is it weird I took a picture?

This year I will "host" Christmas eve and there will be a total of four of us.  Yes, it's about love and getting together with family and friends but something is missing.

I didn't decorate at all.  But I was busy making a scarf for a friend.  Turns out I was so terribly, terribly sick the night we were to exchange that I wasn't able to give it to her.

There's major clutter on my coffee table.  Nothing that a box and a closet can't handle.

I have major cleaning to do.  My vacuum cleaner doesn't work.

I have to buy the food I will be serving in 24 hours.

I'll go see a movie first... after I watch an archived episode of Bones.

Christmas will be good.  I just have to get there.

Phewy.

Holly

I recently came across something on etsy.

My heart instantly soared and I felt a little flutter... I may have actually gasped.  HOLLY HOBBIE!

When I was little, perhaps a wee six or seven years old, I went to some gathering with my mom's work.  There was a drawing to win various prizes.

My name was called... What did I win?  I won a Holly Hobbie doll!  Being insanely shy there was no way I was going to go up there to claim it.  My mom's friend went up to get it and when she handed me that doll I remember the feeling that it was all I ever needed in life.

I loved her rosy cheeks.  I loved her calico dress and bonnet.  I loved that her hair was brown like mine and that it was braided... not like mine.  I would look at her and hug her and trace her eyebrows, smile and each freckle with my little finger.  She was beautiful in my eyes.  I loved my Holly Hobbie doll.

Last month of the year

This year went way to fast for me.

I think it's supposed to still be July or so (strange since there's snow on the ground).

I'm feeling especially lazy in the Christmas decorating department.  I have nothing up.  I just like to sleep too much these days.  I have to make my Christmas cards.

The pressure of being me.

I'm doing a lot of important things like watching the entire series of Dark Shadows in preparation of the Tim Burton movie coming out in May 2012 starring my Johnny Depp.

I'm also knitting a scarf as a gift for a name I drew.  It's a beautiful scarf.  If only I could take a picture of it to show you but I seem to have lost the battery charger to my camera.

If I took the time to clean some clutter away... perhaps I'd find it.

I did something stupid.  I organized a cookie exchange at work and it hasn't brought out the best in me.  People are SO strange about cookies and exchanging them.

I'm busy having a crush as well.  Although I'm told he flirts with me, I'm blind to these gestures.  I've decided he's maybe a little shy, not ready for anything "romantic" or not interested in girls.  It has to be the latter since I'm a friggin' catch.

The reason boot cut jeans exist.

Last summer I went to the Adirondacks.  While there, my sister comes out in the most amazing boots.  I may or may not have drooled.  They were worn and rugged and cool.  She wears them when she goes horseback riding which made them even cooler.

I wore them one afternoon when I rode a horse for the first time in about 30 years.  This was to get over my fear of horses.... besides the point.
I believe those worn, rugged and cool boots gave me confidence.  I spent a lot of time looking down at my feet... even on top of that horse... bareback.

"What kind of boots are these?"
"Those are Frye boots".
"What?"
"Frye.  It's the brand."

The day I get back from NY I search online.  Where do I get these Frye boots??  What are these Frye boots??  Well, they're $218 is what they are and I've never spent more than $49.99 on footwear (except my running shoes which I no longer run in).

"They never go on sale", I'm told.

I'm bound and determined to get these boots.... someday.

Well, today is that day, folks!

I found them on Amazon.com for a lot less so I snatched them up and did another thing I never do... I charged those bad boys... because they're worth it and gosh darn it, so am I.

Hell mutha effin' yeah.

Icky inside.

Today I am full of negative energy.

I want to move but my place is worth nothing.
I'm vibrating with anxiety - I even took a brisk walk to shake it off.
My chin no longer exists as it has merged with my neck (good thing i took a walk).
I don't want to have to listen to my downstairs neighbor's music while I watch Charmed.
I don't know if it's still acceptable to wear skinny jeans with tall boots - I want to wear both.
Sam won't leave me alone; he loves me too much.
People who can't multitask frustrate me.
This year has gone by too fast.

Of course things could be worse, I could have to fight demons and evil warlocks daily like the Charmed Ones.

D.C.

A few days ago I returned from a trip to Washington, DC.
This is the last of my "must see" places in the US.

The first day I pretty much spent most of my time saying, "Omigod!  I'm in DC"!

Washington Monument

White House

Orangutan Crossing (National Zoo)

Panda (National Zoo)

National Cathedral

Ford Theater where Lincoln was assassinated.

Mary Lincoln's gown

Lincoln's hat he was wearing when he was assansinated.

Iwo Jima

Tomb of the Unknowns

Vietnam Memorial

Korean War Memorial

Waiting to ride an elevator to the top of Washington Monument.

Spirit of St. Louis

The United States Capital

There was so much to see and do in DC.  To list everything we saw and did would make the list quite long but it would include:

The Hope Diamond
Archie Bunker's Chai
All the inauguration gowns of the First Ladies
The Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, the Constitution,  Emancipation Proclamation
The Exorcist stairway in Georgetown
The flag that inspired the writing of the song "Star Spangled Banner"
Library of Congress
John Kennedy's resting place and eternal flame.
Tomb of the Unknowns changing of the guard
Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, WWII Memorial
Union Station

And so much more.  To see it all with my own eyes; original documents that are hundreds of years old, artifacts that founding fathers wore or used or held...  It's unforgettable.

Black toes and green fingers

When you spend 2 1/2 hours with a little girl just one month shy of turning four, you'd think things could get a little hectic.  Those buggers have a lot of energy.

I have the sweetest little goddaughter there ever was.


We went to the dining establishment of her choice - McDonald's.  I have never heard someone exclaim the deliciousness of a McNugget over and over the way she did.  Apparently I'm missing out with the cheeseburger.

Even though it's 95 and humid, a park in full sun is what she asks for.  As I slowly melt away, I talk her into leaving for another park, a more shaded park.  To her this means only one thing: TWO PARKS!!

Me: Let's go on the swings so we can catch a breeze.

J:  Okay, push me high!  Whoo-hoo!  Yeah!

We swing in silence.  The breeze feels good.

J:  This is nice.

Me: It is.

J: I like spending time with you.

It took everything in me not to jump up and eat her with kisses and squeeze her little head.  I gathered myself...

Me: I like spending time with you too.

When a three year old who is almost four says things like that to you, you color her toes black and her fingers green because that's what she wants.

Love boxed up for safe keeping.

A friend of mine recently said, "I feel like you go down Memory Lane everyday".

I really had a very happy childhood.  I have far more happy memories than sad.  Although my parents separated when I was six and divorced when I was seven, I didn't have one of those "I had to grow up fast" kind of childhoods.  I suppose I learned coping skills and took on a different kind of role than the role I would have taken had my parents stayed together. (They write books on this stuff!)  I was the one (and still very much am) that tries to make everyone happy, comfortable, content, less lonely... I work hard to avoid conflict and make everything better before it can get worse.  Sometimes it's exhausting and sometimes it's effortless.

What am I getting at?  I think my mom was sad and lonely a lot after her divorce.  I don't remember it specifically but I must have sensed something because I took on this "duty" to make sure she knew she was loved very, very much.  If by nobody else, at least she was loved by me.  I remember singing "You Are So Beautiful" to her when I was about nine and she felt embarrassed, maybe unworthy of the title.  I made me sad for her so I sang it loud and clear.

This brings me to my point.  I remember , when I was nine, ten, and older, leaving her notes to find when she came home (where was she??  Perhaps out with her boyfriend at the time.)  I would miss her so much.  I left notes simply stating "To Mom - I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" in every way possible.  Decorated with stickers, markers, crayon, yarn.  On lined paper, plain paper, construction paper and a combination of all.  I even made messages from needlepoint.  You read that right.

embroidery and crayon

I know my mom loves me with every fiber of her being.

Saturday afternoon I was digging through a bin she had marked "kid stuff".  Inside were every report card, every tooth, every school project, every mother's day card, birthday card, Easter card my older brother and I made.  I choked up a little finding that she kept a small cardboard jewelry box that I had given her as a gift.  I had torn up paper into tiny little pieces and put it in the box.  My mom tells me when she opened it, I "patted my little finger in the confetti of paper and said in a soft voice, 'see?  It's soft so you can put things in it' ".

She still has all the proof of how much I (we) love her in a box.

embroidered garden

I don't wear "mackup".

Saturday evening I met my friend and her two girls (my goddaughters) at Perkins (where kids eat free on Saturday nights!)

As soon as I sat down Anna (8) says to nobody in particular: There's something that looks different about Auntie Laura.

Me: I'm not wearing any makeup.

Anna: Oh.  You look really different.

Me:  I suppose it's because you've really only seen me with makeup on.

Anna sits looking at me trying to figure out how someone could look so different.

She asks if I have a pen, she asks her mom for a piece of paper.

Me: What are you going to write?

Anna:  It's a surprise.

Without me realizing, she slips the note in front of me.

The only response I could come up with was: I don't wear "mackup".

Road kill

I am very sensitive to animals.  I'm pretty sure they can talk (thanks to Disney), they have families and they are just trying to survive and provide.

I hate when I kill one with my vehicle.

First it was a raccoon... back in '90.  I was late getting home (curfew you know) and speeding my way east on 494, only a couple other cars on the road at 1 a.m. ( I was going to be soooo late!).  Suddenly, this fat raccoon starts waddling across the freeway.  Seriously?  Who does that?

No time to break.  BAM!  Tagged the sucker.  Thumpa-thump.  I run over him going 60 mph.  I look at the rear view mirror and he's still bouncing from the impact.  Jeez.

Flash forward about 20 years.  I'm running late for work one morning (yes, I tend to run on the late side of things).  Stupid squirrel!  It darts out, runs back, freezes, darts out again.  BAM!  Hit him going 30 mph on a side road.  The rear view mirror reveals a spastically twitching tail.  Ugh.

Now today, the cruise set at 72 mph, PING!  A flippin' bird, enjoying his morning flight, dippin' and swayin', wind in his feathers... tags the frame on the side of the windshield (thankfully no blood, no feathers).  Looking in the rear view mirror, the collision gave him another five feet of air but sadly he crashed.  Oh-no.

Thankfully I'm not partial to insects because I'd be a mess driving with all the bug juice on the windshield.

Know when to walk away, know when to run

I'm not a gambler.
Repeat that 10 x and that's about how much I'm a gambler.

So, when the idea came up that "we should go to the casino for an hour just to waste some time", my first instinct was to clutch my purse tight to my chest.

I don't get excited to go to casinos... they take my money... I'm not a winner.

But I went, they serve free pop.

We went straight for the penny slots cause we're hard core like that.

I put a dollar in.  Didn't win.

I put another dollar in.  Didn't win.

I put a third dollar in.  This is stupid!  I'm just feeding these things dollar bills.  I quit!

I take a break, walk away.  This is intense stuff.

I say, fine, I'll put another dollar in.  I push a button.  Dang!  I just bet $.75 of my dollar!  Oh, wait, cool, I got five free spins.  Interesting, I'm winning my dollar back... two dollars... six dollars.  Great, I won my money back!

It keeps going.

$10.40

$22.00

$48.20

OH MY!

$81.50

$125.30

$167.00

HOLY!  I think I may have won a million dollars!!

$199.95

$215.20

$224.50


Holy mother of....

I cashed out and clutched my purse tight to my chest and got myself a Pepsi.

Spreading the love

Stepmom #1 is an unbelievable knitter and sewer (seamstress?).  I have spent the days since I was eight years old watching her knit numerous items.  Being such a shy child (painfully shy) I would slowly shake my head 'no' when she would ask me, "do you want to learn to knit?"  Inside I was saying, "yes, oh yes, yes, yes!  Just show me because I can't say it!".

Twenty-five years later I learned how to cast on my first project from a stranger during a lunch "class" at work.

I have since then expanded my knowledge of stitches and my inventory of knitting accessories with much help and thanks to my stepmom.

While I have found myself to be a mostly Fall through early Spring knitter, she knits year round.

She now has and Etsy shop I'd like to share; you know, spread the love.

T Crockett Crafts

Taylor aka Baby Boo aka Chunka

Important decisions made regarding my trip to D.C. in August

• I have decided, although very self-conscience, I will wear sleeveless tops when I am in D.C.
• I have decided, although my gut sticks out further than my butt, I will pack my swimming suit because it's going to be hotter than a mo' fo and a dip in the hotel's pool at the end of the day will be delightful.
• I have decided that wearing sleeveless is an okay thing to do.
• I have decided that I am making myself miserable while trying to hide my body parts behind too much clothing.
• I have decided there really is no hiding an ample bosom, my obvious beginnings of a fupa, and wing-like upper arms.  Today's styles just don't support these bodily issues.
• I have decided that there is a fraction of a whole number of people who give a rats patootie what my Buddha belly look like.
• I have decided there is an even smaller number of people who give darn tootin' what my arms look like.

Happy Love

One of my favorite little people at this moment is my goddaughter JoJo.  She speaks her heart and some of the things that come out of that little girl's heart are so touching.

What almost 40-year old couldn't bask in all the good things an almost four-year old says about you?

As we walked to the park...
JoJo to her mom: Mommy, I don't want Aunty Laura to go home because I love her so much.

As we walked home from the park...
JoJo to me: Aunty Laura, can you stay a little longer when we get home?  I miss you so much.

JoJo to her mom one day: Mommy, I really like Aunty Laura.
Mommy: I know you do.
JoJo:  She could be my mommy and I could live with her at her house.

It makes my heart happy.

Oh, and one of JoJo's original jokes - "The grass... is above... the sky!"... followed by uncontrolled giggling.

Baby Boom

Judah
Claire
Floyd
Taylor
Sloan
Whitney
Quinn

These are the babies of close friends, family and coworkers.

They were all born within 11 months of each other.

I knit what felt like a ton of blankets in a short time.

 It caused me severe baby fever.

I think I'm past the worst of it.

Running on empty

Basically I've been running on empty for going on five months.
A coworker of mine decided she had an medical issue and took leave.
It's all BS but that's neither here nor there.
The fact is that I've been busy beyond belief.
Long gone are the days I spent reading the entire internet.
I don't even have time to log on.
I like it busy but not crazy.
Relief has come in the form of a gal named Kelly.
I'm getting caught up.
I am liking this job thing again.

Deaf and dumb

The past two weekends I have slept at least 15 hours each night.
The past three months I have come home after work and sat on the couch, barely moving, only getting up to use the bathroom.
The past two months I have been having mild anxiety attacks.
The past six months I have not been able to fall asleep before midnight.
The past three months I have been irritable.
The past month I have been highly irritable.
The past 10 days I haven't shaved my legs.
The past six months I have had no desire to pick up my house.
The past year I have gained and lost the same ten pounds.

I do this every year.  I wait until I am in dire need to go to the doctor.  Ten years with thyroid disease and I still don't respond to my body's needs.

update

There is so much I want to say and show.  Unfortunately, something happened sometime, somewhere and I'm not able to access my photos, control panel, etc.