Feeling VERY bah-humbuggy this year

Things have changed so much since my grandpa passed away in the fall of 2005.  He was the family glue.  Without him there is no gathering for Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas is losing it's appeal.

Forever I have dreamed and anticipated Christmas Eve with my mom's side of the family (Day is reserved for my dad).  I have forever been solid in my traditions - where we go, what we eat, etc.  It's what makes Christmas.

Today I visited the cemetery, brushed off the dusting of freshly fallen snow and shed a few tears because I miss my grandma and grandpa so much.  I miss who he was and what he represented.  Is it weird I took a picture?

This year I will "host" Christmas eve and there will be a total of four of us.  Yes, it's about love and getting together with family and friends but something is missing.

I didn't decorate at all.  But I was busy making a scarf for a friend.  Turns out I was so terribly, terribly sick the night we were to exchange that I wasn't able to give it to her.

There's major clutter on my coffee table.  Nothing that a box and a closet can't handle.

I have major cleaning to do.  My vacuum cleaner doesn't work.

I have to buy the food I will be serving in 24 hours.

I'll go see a movie first... after I watch an archived episode of Bones.

Christmas will be good.  I just have to get there.

Phewy.