Anti-domesticism

I love Anne Taintor “vintage images with Anne's own interpretation of what these men and women might really be thinking”.


I have a magnet “domestically disabled” and it really can’t be far from the truth. I am truly not gifted in much of anything domestic. I guess it wouldn’t really be a disability so much as a chronic condition. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am unable to live up to my womanly expectancies. I was born without the gene.


I don’t like to cook. I can cook but I choose not to. Nothing about cooking excites me. Not even the part where I get to eat it. I have no drive to cook. Sometimes I think it would be fun to learn to cook but then the thought is forgotten as soon as it is thought. However, I love to bake – go figure.


I hate cleaning my place. I just hate it. I hate it so much I can easily put it out of my mind as if it’s an unrequired task. But I’ll gladly clean someone else’s home. I do the minimum required.. It’s not that I don’t have the time. I just don’t do it.


I can’t sew anything other than straight lines. I can’t follow a pattern. I’m envious of anyone who can but I have no real drive to learn. My mom can make anything. So can my step mom. Lucky them.


Okay, I can knit (the basics) and cross-stitch and I really enjoy both.


So much for those Home Economic classes I was forced to take throughout grade school.

The Great Minnesota Get Together

Last Saturday I went to the MN State Fair. The weather was perfect and the food did not let me down. We went early - 10:30 am. It wasn't that crowded and the lines weren't bad. Suddenly around 1:00 we realized the place was packed. Somehow we managed to stay another three hours shuffling our way through the crowds.

A sea of people

I love going to the animal buildings. My friend's daughter spent the summer in Iowa learning to barrel race so she loved the horses. We walked through the cattle barn and lastly the swine barn. There, plopped in a pen is the 1240 lb. sow that is always featured (a different one each year).

That's some pig!

And when you come out you turn into piggys.

Going with a group of people allows a person to try a little bit of everything. A bite of this and a bite of that. Grazing all day long. This year I tried many more items than normal.

1. Battered & deep fried pickle chips dipped in Ranch dressing
2. Cheese curds
3. Foot long hot dog with ketchup, mustard, fried onions and sauerkraut
4. Luigi Fries (cheese covered bread sticks dipped in marinara sauce)
5. Roasted corn on the cob
6. Seasoned pork chop on a stick
7. Chicken egg roll on a stick
8. Chocolate covered banana and strawberry on a stick
9. Sweet Martha's chocolate chip cookies
10. Strawberry banana smoothie
11. Root beer float
12. Taco burrito
13. Chocolate covered bacon (served cold. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good)
14. Alligator on a stick
15. Several lemonades and waters

I feel like I might be leaving something out but that's the gist of it!

Pig Lickers - Chocolate covered bacon

That's enough for one year. Now the countdown begins for next year.

The beastly board meeting

I am the VP of my condo association. It's not as impressive as it sounds though.

Last night we had our monthly meeting. I mention ages because of the behavior that is exhibited. It helps to understand the absurdity of it all when you know these people are not in Kindergarten. They are usually pretty entertaining although, there hasn't been an instance like last September when a 30-something year old woman pushed down, I say again, PUSHED DOWN, a 60-something year old man.

Anyway, last night my drunk neighbor showed up and sat in on the meeting. She and another man from another one of our buildings chatted through a presentation from a local cable company. I finally spoke up, ask them to please be quite during the presentation. The remainder of the meeting my neighbor stared me down.

This woman is 53 years old. She got drunk, disrupted the meeting and then left in the middle. Meanwhile the man she was talking to sat in the back of the room brushing his greasy hair up in the back.

Next up, the heated argument between the 72? year old President and the 60-something year old secretary. The argument? Landscaping. You know, weeding, watering. Secretary doesn't like the current state of your grounds (agreed) but President is trying to explain we have no, zero, nada, nothing in the budget to pay for someone to come in and do this (agreed). Hence, the constant asking of volunteers to do such jobs. Secretary's face got red and blotchy. President banged on table. Secretary's voice quivered with frustration. It was finally put to rest but not resolved.

I live with these people.

So what? I'm a picky eater

It's kind of a joke with my family and friends about the way I eat. I have certain rules and rituals that must be followed. It gets to be complicated.

1. No mushrooms - none whatsoever. I will pick the microscopic pieces from anything made with cream of mushroom soup.
2. Jam only - I don't like chunks of fruit in my spread.
3. No fruit chunks in my yogurt either. However, I will eat the pina colada flavor.
4. All sandwiches not prepared by me will be opened and rearranged so that there is an even amount of ingredient in each bite.
5. Raw onions on hamburgers only.
6. Tomatoes on Mexican food only.
7. Nothing that live in water. That's right, no fish, no seafood (shrimp, lobster, all of it). I note what's in the parenthesis because if I say this to someone usually the first thing they ask is, "No shrimp or lobster?" No, I'm not missing out because I can't stand the taste and texture. The exception is tuna... from a can... from Subway.
8. Eggs have to be eaten with toast or in a tortilla. I can't eat eggs plain.
9. I don't eat oranges but I'll suck the juice out.
10. No meat on the bone - chicken especially, ribs, pork chops.

I will try things before I say I don't like them and I will try them every so often to see if my tastes have changed.

A few items I am afraid to try with absolutely no explanation:

-Lychee
-Mango
-Pomegranate
-Kumquat
-Plantains
-Papaya
-Avocado
-venison
-duck

Needless to say, I pretty much live on cereal.

A piece of me

I was scrolling through my MySpace blog (which I haven't updated for many months) and found a blog that hit me again. I must have been missing someone or feeling especially lonely when I wrote this:

November 20, 2006 What is "happiness"? What makes one person happy can make another indifferent. Finding pleasure in the simplest thing is what makes me happy. I cherish my alone time and crave it when I've spent too much time with others. Am I lonely? Not so much but I am alone which are two different things. One satisfies me the other makes me feel like I'm not in my own skin. Loneliness is a silent killer waiting for its prey in dark shadows in places where isolation brews. Keep the lights on; it's too dark in here. It's depressing me and it's claustrophobic. Darkness is for sleep when I am alone with my dreams. Dreams of vivid color and smell and portraying someone I never have the chance or courage to be in "real" life. I can fly. I can breathe under water. I can love and be loved. I am invincible. No one can hurt me… but I hurt. It hurts right there, right where I can't reach yet I can't let go. The past has a death grip on my heart that has left it hard to breathe. So much sadness and disappointment in a lifetime. Why do I feel so much, so hard? Why does my heart continue to break over and over when I think of friends I had, family I've lost and those who have had the pleasure of receiving my heart. Friend, lover and foe, I will not let you in, you have to tear down the walls built over time. I'll hand you the tools but I will not help with the blows. Once the walls are torn down, my soul will bleed into yours and you will always have a piece of me.

"Loneliness is a silent killer waiting for its prey in dark shadows in places where isolation brews." Yikes - where'd that come from?!

I've been reading a book that has brought on a flood of memories. I almost put the book down several times because it just didn't make me feel good to relive the past. A past that may have contributed to the above passage. I'm suppose to say that I wouldn't change a thing that has happened to me because it has made me who I am today. But I can honestly say, that I wish with all my soul that I could change February 2001 - June 2002. I would completely erase it and I believe I would be in a much different, more positive place today.

So, I continue on...

Condo hotdish

I got together with my good friend Jenny for lunch at the Olive Garden. She had soup, salad and breadsticks. I had spaghetti and Italian sausage that is so good it brings tears to my eyes. Here, another exchange in oddities that leave me wondering if I am a 12 years old stuck in my 36 year old body.

It doesn't matter what led to this particular exchange because there never has to be a reason.

J - You're sort of like a sandwich.

Me - Yes, because I live on the second floor and...

J - Someone lives above you and below you.

Me - Yeah. Actually, I'm more of a filling because I also have people on both sides of me.

J - (stiffling her laughter)

Me - Actually, I'm more of a hotdish. An ingredient in a condo hotdish.

Or maybe she said "condo hotdish" because at this point we were laughing too much at each other because we really are hilarious.

Wonder Twin powers - ACTIVATE!

My big brother and I were superheros.

I can remember getting up early in the morning on Saturday's to watch cartoons. My brother and I had bedrooms on the upper level of our old, creaky house, our parents' room was downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs was a hallway, at the end of that short hallway was the door to their bedroom. In the mornings we'd get up, sit on the top step of the blue carpeted stairway and contemplate our next move. Slowly, and ever so quietly we would scoot on our butts, stair by stair. Once we were safely at the bottom we'd tiptoe to the door, knock and ask if we could turn on the TV.

So, maybe it defeated the purpose of being so quite but it made sense at the time and it took planning and courage. Something all superheros need.

Often we'd get up and my brother would help dress me like a superhero. I don't recall this particular day that this picture was taken but I'm so happy I have it. It embodies so much that was my childhood. I looked up to my big brother, we were quirky, we knew how to have a fun (we knew how to fight). I just look at this picture and smile and remember a much more innocent time. When do we stop dressing up and consider putting a bear rug on our heads to be perfectly acceptable attire?

Tighty whities

When the underoos start so cut the circulation off in your legs, it's time to go for a walk.

I am not one for the gym. I have to be out and about if I'm to get any form of exercise. However, I'm not an active person and therefore have gained several, many, okay, a butt load of weight over the past five years. I don't want to buy the next size up so I must work some of this flab off.

I prefer walking. I have tried running with wonderful results but something happened after I worked my way up to 1 1/2 miles. One day I just couldn't do it anymore and that was that. I've joined a gym in the past and while I love the weights I hate the cardio. Okay, I'm lazy.

So, last night at about 8 pm I got off my butt and got outside with my MP3 player. I walked 30 minutes all the while thinking "why don't I do this every friggin' day?"

I started off with Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. When I was about six years old, just after my parents divorced, I remember staying at my dad's studio apartment, kneeling in front of his turntable playing Tusk over and over and over.

Next was Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones. I love this song and every time I listen to it I think of the movie Fear with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg... the scene on the roller coaster... 'nuff said.

Alanis Morrisette's You Oughta Know followed and I always think of sitting in a booth with my friend at Cattle Company on Wednesday nights belting this song out - free to get in, great music and $2 drinks. Those were the days.

Billy Jean by Michael Jackson came at a time where my pace matched the beat perfecting. The song continuously dared me not to grab my crotch, thrust my pelvic and spring up onto my Adidas tippy toes with an occasional quick squeal of "hee-heee"ing. And I dare anyone else to contain themselves as well.

I believe I finished my walk with Roger and Zapp's version of I Heard it Through the Grapevine. This one is hard not to strut to. The computerized voice is pretty lame but I can't help loving it just the same. Oh, now I'm rhyming!

That wraps up the show for the evening. I came home with all that pent up energy draining away. I only tossed and turned for 30 minutes last night. Perhaps a cure for my insomnia?

Insomnia

Occasionally, I go through bouts of insomnia. I can't get to sleep no matter how tired I am. It's not that I'm worried about anything or have anything pressing on my mind. I just can't sleep.

The past four nights I've been fighting it again. I read for a while then try to sleep and get up and read again if I continue to toss and turn. Once I've given into the fact that I can't make myself sleep, I start thinking of the most randome things.

1. I have to make a dentist appointment.
2. I think of all the different updos I want to do on a wedding party coming up.
3. Is laying on my stomach, face smooshed on the pillow, going to give me wrinkles or zits?
4. It's so nice to have the windows open and sleep with the fan on. But will I have a sore throat in the morning?
5. Roasted chicken with lemon, garlic and rosemary sounds soooo good.
6. Maybe I should find a job working nights.
7. I really need to start eating right.
8. I wish I could speed read so I could read all the books I want to read.
9. Should I get up and do something since I'm awake? Like what though?
10. I think I want to rearrange the livingroom just for something different.
11. I think I'm getting sleepy....

My cup runneth o'er with commas, question marks and LOLs

I have an old, old friend (our friendship is old, she isn't) that I keep in touch with through almost daily e-mails. Usually their mundane and immature. This is one we did a few days ago. We were discussing the issues of the penal system and what our take on the solution. Very informative, very intriguing, very knowledgeable we are. The e-mail starts when I ask what a person she knows/used to know is going to school for... in prison... on his third time serving five years for burglary:

DB: Ok,,,he is gonna go to school to be a computer technician. And is taking classes now for cable technician.

Me: I have such a huge, huge, huge issue with people serving time getting education. I know they need to do it so they can find something else to do other than the crimes that put them there but I just get so worked up about how the system works that way. I think they should be shoveling cow manure out of a truck for eight hours a day or something. Okay, and really? A cable technician. Yeah, Mr. Burglar, come into my house scope it out while you fix my cable. Oh, I could go on for days about that putz!

DB: LOL! You had me crackin up here at the desk,,,snortin even! LOL! I know! What cable company in their right mind would hire a 3 time felony burglar ??????????????????// ummm....can we say "DENIAL"?!!!!!
I think that prisons should be all manual labor! Screw the humane treatment acts & laws! Otherwise its like free room & board AND a paid job! So what he gets only .25 cents/hour,,,I should be getting that $ !!!!

Me: Yeah, the tax payers pay for their shelter, three square meals a day, entertainment even and they're getting paid so they can buy Tootsie Rolls and toothpaste. AND they are given medical and dental treatment, right? They should have to shave their heads too. Forget humane. Heck yeah, hard manual labor. Get them back on the chain gang! Shoo.

DB: I think they still have the chain gangs down south,,,,thats what I'm talkin about!

Me: I read that they have them in a couple of states south but the human rights activists are making a stink and they had to stop. What's next? They're all going to have Sleep Number beds in their cells? Maybe a Brita filter on their sink faucet? Charmin toilet paper? Downy fabric softener?

DB: Egyptian cotton sheets? Evian bottled water? Grey Poupon?

Me: Grey Poupon - love it! Biscuits and tea at four? Shiatsu massages and deep cleansing facials? Footie pajamas?

DB: How about an olympic sized swimming pool? wekly manicures & pedicures? Live concerts by the most popular artists?

After that I couldn’t do it anymore. It got too stupid (even for me) and I can only handle so many grammatical errors and punctuation faux pas – even within a friendly e-mail. This was overload.

Anything and Everything On-A-Stick

In Minnesota, the state fair is something that I and most others start waiting for somewhere around March. The food cravings start as a soft whisper and by June and July it becomes this intense NEED for food on-a-stick. The wait is prolonged until the first of those 12 days through Labor Day. We eat our way through the fair, see animals (last year I went to the Miracle of Birth Center for the first time and was pretty much appalled. Cows and sheep panting in labor with crying kids [god, it was so loud in there] and people crowding around their pens... but I'm overly sensitive) and do a lot of people watching. Many ride the rides and play games while I cringe from the Carnies. We see shows and concerts and even watch a surgery on a cat or dog. A trip to the fair is not complete without a quick walk through the Empire Commons to see the butter sculptures of the Princess Kay of the Milky Way. Nearly 1.7 million people went through the gates of the MN State Fair in 2006 and 2007. That's a lot of Pronto Pups to be served.



Just a small list of some of the FOOD served at the fair:



Mac and cheese on-a-stick
Rueben on-a-stick
Walleye on-a-stick
Spaghetti & meatball on-a-stick
Alligator on-a-stick
Pork chop on-a-stick
Belgian waffle on-a-stick
Egg roll on-a-stick
Frozen espresso on-a-stick
Pizza on-a-stick
Hotdish on-a-stick
Fried fruit on-a-stick
Salmon on-a-stick
Frozen key lime pie on-a-stick
Fried pickles on-a-stick
Butterscotch cake on-a-stick

Deep fried candy bar on-a-stick
Coca-Cola cheesecake dipped in chocolate on-a-stick
Rocky road scones on-a-stick
S'mores on-a-stick
Sloppy joes on-a-stick



New this year is:
Big Fat Bacon - 1/3 pound of bacon, fried and caramelized with maple syrup (on-a-stick).
Pig Lickers - chocolate-covered bacon sprinkled with sea salt
Pickle Pop - pickle juice frozen in a push-up sleeve
Hand made tator tots - made with hashbrowns, chedar cheese, bacon, green onion and sour cream deep fried and served three on-a-stick

Chicken bites - blackened chicken breast meat served with horseradish sauce
Walking taco - taco meat, cheese salsa and sour cream served in a Dorito bag of tortilla chips
At O’Garas - Leprechaun legs - lightly-battered deep-fried green beans with dipping sauce
Caribbean jerk seasoned sausage (jerk on-a-stick)
Sticky bun burrito - tortilla filled with cinnamon bread pudding covered with caramel sauce



14 days to go...

The Mighty Mississip

Sunday my stepdad's side of the family had a family reunion. There are 10 siblings on his side. Each of them have a few kids and each of them have a few kids. After almost 25 years I've finally met the last two of the ten I hadn't met. I guess saving the best for last because I absolutely loved them. We chartered a paddleboat for a two hour tour (go ahead, sing the Gilligan theme).



We didn't have a bright sunny day. Basically overcast, windy, warm and a bit humid but comfortable.
But most importantly, I got to finally meet my little niece, Chloe, on her three-month birthday. It was difficult restraining myself from eating her up.