Tighty whities

When the underoos start so cut the circulation off in your legs, it's time to go for a walk.

I am not one for the gym. I have to be out and about if I'm to get any form of exercise. However, I'm not an active person and therefore have gained several, many, okay, a butt load of weight over the past five years. I don't want to buy the next size up so I must work some of this flab off.

I prefer walking. I have tried running with wonderful results but something happened after I worked my way up to 1 1/2 miles. One day I just couldn't do it anymore and that was that. I've joined a gym in the past and while I love the weights I hate the cardio. Okay, I'm lazy.

So, last night at about 8 pm I got off my butt and got outside with my MP3 player. I walked 30 minutes all the while thinking "why don't I do this every friggin' day?"

I started off with Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. When I was about six years old, just after my parents divorced, I remember staying at my dad's studio apartment, kneeling in front of his turntable playing Tusk over and over and over.

Next was Wild Horses by The Rolling Stones. I love this song and every time I listen to it I think of the movie Fear with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg... the scene on the roller coaster... 'nuff said.

Alanis Morrisette's You Oughta Know followed and I always think of sitting in a booth with my friend at Cattle Company on Wednesday nights belting this song out - free to get in, great music and $2 drinks. Those were the days.

Billy Jean by Michael Jackson came at a time where my pace matched the beat perfecting. The song continuously dared me not to grab my crotch, thrust my pelvic and spring up onto my Adidas tippy toes with an occasional quick squeal of "hee-heee"ing. And I dare anyone else to contain themselves as well.

I believe I finished my walk with Roger and Zapp's version of I Heard it Through the Grapevine. This one is hard not to strut to. The computerized voice is pretty lame but I can't help loving it just the same. Oh, now I'm rhyming!

That wraps up the show for the evening. I came home with all that pent up energy draining away. I only tossed and turned for 30 minutes last night. Perhaps a cure for my insomnia?