I survived the weekend with only about four breakdowns. The constant butterflies and tight chest, verge of tears, shaking, quick breaths, etc, etc, are still there none stop but an actual breakdown of tears and sadness was "minimal" considering.
I went to church on Sunday. The first time I've ever gone one my own accord. I went by myself. It was also the first time I've been to church in several years. I've tried those big auditorium churches a couple times with some friends and didn't like them. Before that it was about ten years since going. So, I found a Lutheran church. It was very comforting just sitting in there before the service. I don't feel like I got anything out of the service itself but it was calming being there. I'm searching for something. I'm not sure and maybe I'll find it there. I'll go again.
I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally. This anxiety and depression is really taking it's toll. I'm tired of struggling through fighting the feelings off all day. I just want to be normal again.
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