Only the sky was blue today

A couple of good things:

1. It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shinning, it was warm and bright.
2. I didn't cry.
3. I got an e-mail from a company I had an informational interview with back in February. I will be setting up an interview for that hopefully this week. It's not for the position I originally interviewed for but the president (whom I interviewed with) referred me to another department.
4. My upstairs neighbors will most likely be evicted due to the noise complaints.
5. Johnny Depp will be the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.



More on movies later...

Cute distractions

I went to Perkins last night (one where kids eat free on Saturday night) . I went with my friend and her daughters, my goddaughters. Jordan was in no mood to be photographed that evening and I caught Anna while digging into her salad with "white dressing". I often get the look Jordan is giving, that annoyed look, that look that says, "stop sticking that camera in my face." Sometimes I get that look when I simply say "hi".

I needed this little escape, this distraction, from my week of... well, my bad week. I've been going on long walks. I walk to move away from what is bothering me. It helps get rid of the anxiety; to let my mind and body wander.

Also, according to Anna, it's illegal not to have a job because then you don't have any money.

Best lines

From the HBO series Deadwood. I loved this show and am still so disappointed that it was canceled!

Calamity Jane: Maybe I will have a f*ckin' drink, for sociability's sake and 'cause I'm a f*ckin' drunk.
Joanie Stubbs: What's your preference?
Calamity Jane: That it ain't been previously swallowed.
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Al Swearengen: Get a f*cking haircut. Looks like your mother f*cked a monkey.
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Calamity Jane: My best friend died. The man I had my best friend-feeling about in the world. Took you as he found you, thought the best of you. Sweet to me!
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Al Swearengen: Don't play that sh!t where you make me drag your words outta you. Declare, or shut the f*ck up.
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Calamity Jane: If I had that mug on me, I believe I'd cut down getting told how butt f*cking ugly I was by not staring at strangers.
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Charlie Utter: My bowels are in an upheavel. I'll walk off to pass wind. Don't ever say I'm not a f*cking gentleman.
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E.B. Farnum: Allow me a moments silence, Mr. Hearst. Sir, I am having a digestive crisis and must focus on suppressing its expression.

Rearing it's ugly head again

Anxiety that is.
I'm starting to feel really icky about many things. It's horrible where I live as far as the noise goes. I can't find a job and that's starting a mild panic in me. I don't want to be on the board of my association anymore.
All of these things have resolutions but some come with complications.
I have to fight the upstairs neighbors daily and that is wearing on my nerves. I'm tired and on edge.
I can resign from the board but I feel a certain amount of obligation to them... yet at the same time I don't give a crap.
Searching for a job day after day after day with no results is frustrating and doesn't make me feel valued.
After many weeks of feeling like crying but with no release... I cried. It's how my anxiety and frustration comes out. I cry because I feel helpless and stupid and lost and weak and miserable. Crying somehow lets some of those feeling escape or become not so urgent. I have been waiting for a good cry.
I'm getting that feeling of wanting to run away. I want to move to a smaller city/town where the population isn't bearing down on me. Not just a vacation but a permanent escape.
I need peace.

Gimme a job

It turns out that my confidence is quickly dwindling. I have two more severence checks and then I'll be collecting unemployment. This job search thing is for the birds. I have the education, I have the experience. Why can't I get a job? I know it's like this all over the place and I probably won't find a job that paid me as well as what I previously had. Fine. I don't even have to do anything related to what I used to do. Just give me a job.

I had a little blowout

With my upstairs neighbor that is.
Last Thursday I left during the day to escape the constant noise. Later that night... or should I say early the next morning, at 12:20 am I tried calling and asking her to be quiet. Her phone went right to voicemail. Grrrr! The noise had been ongoing since 9:30 pm. I got dressed, went upstairs, knocked on the door and said in a stern voice, "It's 12:20 in the morning".
She didn't get it.
Me: You need to be quite now.
Her: I don't know what else I can do.
Me: How about set a decent bedtime so he's not running around at midnight.
Her: He's not running around.
Me: Whatever he or you are doing is too much.
Her: He's 18 months old. He gets up to go to the bathroom.
Me: Something has got to change. This is getting to be a real problem.
Her: What do you want me to do, move?
Me: Hey! Go for it!
Her: Are you going to pay my rent?
Me: It's time to keep it down.

Five minutes later it was quite. I am at a complete loss. In the less than two months she has lived there I've had to go knock on her door four times and call her five times. All calls are 11 pm or later.
Also, what 18 month old little boy is potty trained so well that he wakes himself up in the middle of the night and uses the bathroom????
Liar.

Conversations with a six-year old

I don't know if I'll ever come up with a satisfactory answer. She sure is curious. Not necessarily concerned though.



1.

Anna: Do you think you’ll ever get married?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.
Anna : Yeah, it’s kinda hard.
Me: Amen sister.
Anna: Did you get your job yet?
Me: No, I’m still looking.
Anna: So your really poor then.
Me: Well, luckily the company I used to work for is still giving me money.
Anna: Oh! Well, that’s pretty nice of them!
Me: Yeah.


2.

Me: So tell me about Nathan... on your bus.
Anna: (big smile) I am a girlfriend!
Me: You are?!
Anna: We are secretly falling in love.
Me: Oh my. That's exciting, isn't it?
Anna: He teases me but he's not mean.
Me: Yeah, sometimes boys do that and they really do like you.
Anna: We are secretly falling in love.
Me: So I heard.