Peanus?

Saw my dad today. He was up walking around - amazing how far he's come!!
I ask him the usual, "how are you feeling"? "What medications are you taking". Etc... I then asked how the incision is where they entered through his groin (they go through the main artery there to get to the heart!).
Asking this question should have had a return of "it's healing well"... right?? Not from my dad:
"It's completely black. The whole area. My scrotum, my peanus, my hip all the way over to the other side. I mean really black. It's unreal".
Oh GAWD! Please don't show me. Please don't show me. Please don't show me.
I try not to look horrified. First, the idea that it is bruised that much. Second, he said scrotum. Third, he said "peanus" pronounced pee-anus. Now, was this a slip of pronunciation or was he referring to his whole nether regions, coming up with a new term?
I was done talking about it and moved on to "oh wow! Look how tiny the nitro pills are"!

Happy New Year!

I think I'll sleep tonight

My dad is home!
He's feeling good.
I'm feeling good.

I hate when my world gets all topsy turvy

My 64 year old dad had a heart attack last night. It disturbs me beyond comprehension. He is doing well today; even went for a stroll around the nurses station.
He was 100% blocked in one vessel and is 70% blocked in the other. Two stints later and less than 24 hours, he's eating vanilla pudding, sitting in a chair and joking about how he projectile vomited three times that afternoon... right at the nurse. (In his defense he warned them it was a-comin') Way to go, dad.
Medicine is a wonder.
The reality is that my parents are aging. The reality is that I don't think that 64 is that old. It kept me awake all night and made me anxious all day. What if... what if... what if...
One thing, I wish those hospital gowns closed in the back. Forever I will have the vision of my dad's nekkid bum.

Refelctions on 2009

I feel like I've grown a lot this past year.
I went through five months of unemployment that led me to a job that pays me considerably less but I love it considerably more.
I went on two trips. One to Daytona Beach, FL and the other to San Antonio, TX. Both were so much fun.
I made a huge step toward accepting my body (it's helped that I lost 25 lbs.)
I let go of all the weights I put on my own shoulders. All the pressures and expectations I put on myself for so many years I've begun to let go of. I'm continuing to learn that it's okay to occasionally live in the moment because I've spent most of my life living in the past and planning too hard for the future. I'm allowing myself to be a little more carefree and for the first time I'm completely okay with who I am and where I am.
I know I still have hurdles ahead of me. I know I will occasionally falter.
But right now, dare I say? I'm happy.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I finally finished my shopping. I found plenty for myself as well. Most have been wrapped and tucked away so Sam can't eat the tape.
There will be snow for Christmas.
My cards got in the mail this afternoon.
I'm exhausted from waiting until the last minute.
I'm looking forward to spending the time with my family.

Buncha losers

Well, that was short lived.

There was so much "confusion" and whining and "too many changes" that we are
postponing the Biggest Loser contest at work.

Ultimately it came down to a bunch of lazies and those with zero will power.

"A lot of us are too busy to workout right now with the holidays".
"There are so many treats coming into the office from vendors".
"It will be easier to start after the first of the year".

I will continue what I'm doing. I lost almost two lbs. last week. Of course it's the same two that I've been losing and gaining for the past several months...

Moving at a stand still

It's been really difficult to get going with all the Christmas stuff I have to do. I haven't put up my tree and at this point I won't because I'll just be taking it right back down again in three weeks.
I'm not making my own Christmas cards this year. I guess that's about right; I've been averaging a homemade card about every other year. Still, I have to get out there and buy some so they get in the mail before Christmas!
I haven't done any shopping. I have a list and ideas but no motivation to do it. However, I'm going to knock out three or four gifts tonight on a trip out. That leaves eight or ten gifts to still buy.
Then there's the whole wrapping thing. I'm fine once I get started. It's the digging everything out and putting it all away... and the folding and the taping and the ribbon tying and the tag writing...
I better get out there before I put on the yoga pants and curl up with my knitting needles with a cup of hot cocoa.

Game on

Monday a group of us at work started the "Biggest Loser" competition. We all chip in $20 and will go until the end of January. From there we decide if we do another round.

Day two and there is already much confusion. I mean, really, how would you expect to participate in this challenge? Weigh in once a week, calculate the percentage of loss, at the end of January the greatest percentage would win.

Emails were flying this afternoon:
"I thought we weren't going to weigh in again until the end". Where's the challenge in that?? How will you keep motivated??
"Who's going to figure out the percentage"? Gah!
"We have to figure out the rules". It isn't that complicated. You lose weight.
"I don't have much money". This I understand but...

I would love to have everyone put in their $20 and then, each week the person who comes in losing the least ("under the yellow line") would put in another $10. There is potential to win nearly $200 for the biggest loser.

Meanwhile one of the guys was eating candy and cashews in the break room, one of the girls goes out drinking regularly and another is one who isn't greatly motivated. This leaves competition really between myself and another girl.

Game on!

Working out seems to be working out

A month ago I joined a gym. I will be reimbursed $20 if I go at least 12 times in a month. I made it by the skin of my teeth having to go five days in a row at the end.

I've tried several of the classes and I love Yoga. I've tried a step class which I found out was advanced 3/4 of the way in. No wonder I couldn't lift my legs or arms anymore by that point! I took a Pilates class that I would like to continue taking as well.

I took my measurements at the beginning and took them again at the end. I plan on doing this every month.

So far I've lost:

Chest: 1/2"
Waist: 2"
Hips: 1/2"
Thigh: gained 1/2"
Arm: gained 1/2"

I'm assuming (hoping) the gain is muscle forming. Or inconsistancies in the measurements. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Done. Finished. Completed. Gone.

I am so happy! So relived. Life is worth living again.

I resigned from the board. I could have just stepped down but I wanted out. I have been overloaded with making decisions I don't care about. Or, I want someone else to make because, really, I'm tired of people griping about the money spent but don't take the time to come to meetings and understand the whats and whys.

I'm tired of asking Former President to stop jingling her keys during the meetings. I LOVE that another board member told a woman she didn't appreciate her sarcasm. I'm tired of being grossed out by a particular board member's herniated bellybutton sticking out from his pregnant belly through his tight shirt. (gag!) I'm tired of wondering what shape Mary's mind will be in when she comes to a meeting. Will she be happy? Confused? Jolly? Irritated? Tell us how wonderful we all are? Or will she, like last time, say, "I know you're sitting up there in your princess chair but I'd like to see Former President back on the board". Then sit and glare at me. Really? Princess. I think Queen.

I'm tired of the politics, the babysitting, the scolding, and the decisions that directly make another person's life miserable.

I don't want to spend five minutes deciding what color a suggestion box should be and another five discussing if the clip board that holds the paper next to it should be pink, purple, green or blue.

Therefore, beginning December 1st I am no longer a board member but "simply" a homeowner. I can now stick out my tongue at Mary's back without getting in trouble.

Knitting

Since it's gotten cooler out I've started knitting more. This is a little blanket I knit for Ella.


I also knit a few hats. I'm practicing a few patterns. So far I'm not really happy with how they're turning out so I will keep on practicing.

Welcome Baby Ella

My step sister had her first child about seven weeks ago. She had a really rough pregnancy. Lots of sickness, early labor, bed rest, the whole sha-bang.

This is how it started(email sent by stepdad):

new grandchild last night, all of 4lbs 16oz's. both are doing fine. the baby's heart rate was getting low this past week, so they decided to do ahead with a cesarian. ella had a little trouble breathing at first, but last word was everything is ok now.

Then this (stepdad again):

I just talked to Carmen and both are doing fine. Ella has eaten twice so far but Carmen did not get to feed her. She has held her once. Ella is in an incubator until she is stable which might be by this afternoon. Carmen is really tired and can't believe how much better she feels now that she is not pregnant!

Then my mom sent me this:

A funny thing. Last night, while very doped up, she said she hadn't really seen her since she was cleaned up, so Glen kept showing her cell phone pictures.
Today, she said that Glen would be sitting talking to Carmen and then get up and say... well, I think I'm going to go hang out with Ella.

Now, everything is going well except Ella's days and nights are mixed up and Carmen is completely exhausted.

This is the lil' stinker causing all the fuss
.

Time to get tough with the fat

About two weeks about I and three of my coworkers joined LA Fitness. We chose LA because there is no lengthy contract to sign - it's month to month. Also, our health insurance will reimburse $20 a month if we go twelve times each month. That makes membership $10.

So far I've only gone five times this month.

I've tried three classes: Pilates, Step, and Yoga. I love Yoga! I will do Pilates at least once a month and Step I could take or leave. I have to get in there and do some weights though.

I've still maintained my 25 lb loss. It was just over a year ago that I started my weight loss. Most of it was due to being more active while I was unemployed and then starting a job where I was more active as well. Now I've hit a plateau and need to start with the diet and exercise. The fun stuff.

Burning the place down

I set some water on the stove to boil, went to the sink to rinse some dishes out. I smelled something... something burning. I look over and there was smoke pouring out of a box of instant oatmeal I had left on the stove. I had turned on the wrong burner.

One of the first lessons I learned in Home Ec. way back in 1st or 2nd grade was that you NEVER leave paper on your stove. I've always thought, really, why would you have paper on your stove? I have followed this lesson up until this very day.


Lesson #1 NEVER leave paper on your stove.
Lesson #2 Never buy a box of instant oatmeal that is too big to store in your cupboard.

Music Video

My sister is going to a college for the arts. She's a freshmen. She has a Media class once a week for five hours. She started out with some assignments taking digital pictures which she liked okay. This most recent assignment was to make a music video using any song but it had to be between a certain time length. She had three ideas right off the bat. She went with the one you see below and she had a blast working on it. She worked hard and I'm super proud of her!

Since getting the internet

I've got a lot of cathing up to do.

I've got 11 episodes of Lost to watch from last season. Project Runway was on my list but I can't get full episodes.

I've designed eight pairs of Converse.

Shopped for tall boots.

Watched part one of Pam and Jim's wedding on The Office.

Watched the trailer for "Precious" and "New Moon".

Played some game that requires finding hidden objects - for about two hours.

It's good to be back online!

Such a techie

Lookit me! I just got cable and internet! I installed my internet myself this evening including the modem and router. I'm officially wireless!

I will be able to catch up on all my internet surfing. Since getting my new job I have no time to get online. This is good because it means I'm busy but there is a ton that I miss doing.

Anyway, I'm up and at 'em!

Date with my dad

Looking forward to going to the Orchestra with my dad!

Minnesota Orchestra
Osmo Vänskä, conductor
Stephen Hough, piano

PROKOFIEV
Lieutenant Kijé Suite
19'

TCHAIKOVSKY
Concert Fantasia
26'

TCHAIKOVSKY
Selections from Sleeping Beauty
40'

Stephen Hough returns to Orchestra Hall to start our season with a rare beauty. He and the Orchestra are recording all four of Tchaikovsky's piano-and-orchestra works live in concert, and this week it's the Concert Fantasia, full of heartbreakingly beautiful melodies. Come be a part of history as it's captured in Orchestra Hall.

Home Pilates

A couple (few?) weeks ago I hit my 25 lbs lost mark. (YAY!) Since then I have gone up and down a couple lbs. So, I have to add in more exercise.

I put in my Windsor Pilates DVD last night. A quick 20 minute workout. Most "moves" were simple enough and I could tell I could gain strength from them. However, a few were a bit more challenging...

Doing back rolls: basically I'm curled into a ball balancing on my butt. Fairly easy enough. Then we roll back and then up again without letting your feet touch the floor. This is to "massage the spine". Back and up, back and up. When I was done doing the six rolls I found that I had completely turned around and was facing away from the TV. Hmmm... gotta work on the control part.

Then there's this "scissor kick" move where you're laying on your side, and you lift both legs about six inches off the floor and kick them back and forth. 1-2-3-4-5-... but wait I'm still on 1!

All this while breathing in and out of your nose for five counts each. Mostly I just held my breath until the instructor said, "Breathe in..."

I've got a lot of work to do...

The college girl

My sister moved onto campus this weekend. This is her first time on her own, in her own apartment. She's living with someone she'd never met. She's on campus with a ton of other students, away from the comforts of her home of 18 1/2 years (although, only a 20 minute drive away).

I spend several hours with her on Friday night, her first night. She was anxious but she was strong. It was the first glimpse of vulnerability I saw from this girl since she was eight. She often times went from laughing to a look of panic. Everything was too new and happening so fast. She brought her baby blanket, put it on a shelf in her closet and said, "Just in case".

But she's excited.

Sitting on the floor of her new bedroom, windows open with the laughter and conversation of distant students in the building next door, I looked at my sister while we played games of Slap Jack and War. I physically felt the realization that this little girl, is my adult sister. She has her own place, fulfilling her goals of going to school, learning so, so much.

I felt proud of her. I felt a new love for her. I hoped I would still like the adult sister. I hoped the adult sister would still like me.

How to gain 2.8 lbs in seven days

Eat like a little piggy.

I had pizza twice this past week.
I ate out twice for lunch.
I went out to dinner three times.
I had Dairy Queen once.
I had two Hershey candy bars.

Put it all together and what have you got? PMS.

I wish I were this funny

I completely love this. Especially the line, "This is all medical jargon, I don't expect you to follow". Seriously! How can you not laugh at that?

NNO

Our association had it's National Night Out gathering this evening. We didn't expect many people and rightly so, only about 20 people showed. We just ordered some pizzas and let people know they could bring something to share.

It's odd, sometimes, what people will bring. This evening we got:

Two pans of brownies
Two boxes of Little Debbie Hunny Buns
A already opened can of smoked almonds
A Baggie of leftover? tortilla chips with salsa
Rice Krispie bars
Beer & pop

Our last little potluck someone brought two single servings of potato salad and some turkey almond salad from a deli and an opened, half-eaten bag of blue tortilla chips.

Needless to say, this is why I have a hard time eating at potlucks with people I don't know.

Remembering

It was two years ago today that the 35W bridge collapse.
Without planning it and not realizing it until I approached it, I crossed the bridge this afternoon.
I was coming home from stopping at the cemetary where my grandma and grandpa are buried. This too was an unplanned visit. This is the first visit outside of Memorial Day weekend when my mom, uncle and I tend to the sites, planting the urn, etc. It's peaceful there as I lay on the grass and look at the sky and just remember.
When I'm there I realize a part of me is missing.

Nap attack!

Friday is the only day of the work week that I allow myself to fall asleep after work. I look forward to this nap all week. I love me some naps!
However, when I take naps, they are not 20-30 minute naps. They tend to be about two hours. As was the case today. I came home dragging, laid on my stomach crosswise on my bed and shut my eyes. Two hours later I woke up with the striped pattern from my bedspread permanently embedded on my face, Sam licking my cheek and a Harley rumbling and sputtering outside.
Now, here I am at my neighbors checking on her cat while she enjoys a much needed vacation, sitting on her computer with dial-up service.
I know how to live it up.

I guess it wasn't a compliment??

A couple Fridays ago I got together with an old flame. I was 23 when we dated for about four or five months. We remained in contact for several years after and then communication stopped.

I found him on handy-dandy Facebook and we made plans immediately for a non-date. (A non-date is when you do date things with people you may date but you aren't dating... or something).

We went out to eat and watched a movie. Pretty simple. Conversation flowed. Somehow we got on the subject of skin (who knows how one gets on particular subjects). I mentioned that I wanted to do something about my acne scars. He said he never noticed them. I told him I'm very self conscious of them. He said something about people always being self conscious of things that other people never notice. He said, "I just say you're beautiful". I said, "thank you"! and his reply was, "I mean, I'd say that to anyone".

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I don't take compliments well and here I buck up, accept the compliment and just say thank you but it wasn't a compliment directed directly to me?

Boys are so stupid.

Discombobulated

I love that word.
It's how I've been feeling since I've started my new job. I'm so busy but I love it.
I haven't read any of the blogs I'd been reading daily - I feel out of the loop. I check my home e-mail once a day (if that). A week goes by before I realize I haven't talked to my mom (we usually take a few times a week). My weekends have been filled with doing hair, I haven't done anything social.
This week, when I come home in the evenings, I've been organizing. Why didn't I do this when I had all day off for five months? I've gotten rid of so much crap. I've shredded enough old files to fill up a large garbage bag. It feels good to purge all that!
Tonight I will sit on my arse and watch So You Think You Can Dance and knit a little of a blanket I'm working on. I can't wait.

Finding a use for business cards

I have business cards now. I can't imagine what I would need them for other than to give them to family and friends. However, I found a use. The other night I put one in a drawing for a free Chipotle lunch. Good use for business cards.
Today I get a fax forwarded to me from Chipotle. I won! Lunch for five and low and behold there are five people in my department. Lunch is my treat on Friday.

Public Enemies

Because of my intense, deep love for all things Johnny Depp, I went to see Public Enemies this afternoon. It didn't get the very best of reviews but I really liked it.

The world traveler returns

My sister has gotten to travel this year with her senior Art class to Paris and Barcelona and then with her Japanese class to Japan.
On Monday she came home from two weeks in Japan. She had a blast! She showed pictures and the video she took. I loved the video of her learning a tea ceremony taught to her by her host family. Her host mother and father had a great sense of humor and showed her many things. Her "host girl" (17) spoke great english. Her host boy (13)and the grandmother didn't speak english.

This is an e-mail she was able to send after only being there a week.

Konnichiwa, I am writing from the land of the rising sun.
Japan (nihon) is very, very different. It is not rude to slurp your food, and you have to take a shower before you take a bath (ofurou). Everything is opposite, even for their blind people. Our blind people use their hands to see things. Apparently Japan's blind people use their feet because everywhere you go there are ridges and bumps on the walkways so blind people know where to walk and stop. Not a bad idea acutally. Some of the weird and interesting things I have done so far include: Being smushed into a subway car during rush hour. Playing a DJ game in an arcade. Wearing a yukata and setting off fireworks (hanabi). And making apple (ringo) rabbits (usagi). I went to the yokkozuno zoo yesterday. My host girl Yuu said it was very small (chisai), but turned out to be very large (ooki). Today we went to Universal Studios Japan, which was super fun (tanoshii). My host girl is Yuu, who is super freaking cute (kawaii), her whole room is pink, and she screamed bloody murder on every ride we went on.
Thats all I have for now, so unless I can get on another computer some other time then I'll talk to you later (jaane).
Libby

She said her host family cried when she had to leave. Awww!

Working hard for my money

So far I really like my new job! I'm busy and the days go by fast. Of course I'm learning a ton of new things and it takes me a while to get through the work since I'm not familiar with it. The people I work with are really nice and very helpful with my millions of questions.
I think, in the past two days, I've done more work than I did in a week at my other job. Seriously. It's great!

Oh, and I hit 20lbs lost!

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

So I bought four.

I needed shoes for work.

At my last job I wore jeans and tennies most days. While I can wear jeans everyday at my new job, I feel I shouldn’t wear tennies quite yet. I got all for less than $60 - booyah!

Water park

Monday I went to a water park to visit with my good friend and her kids. It's a really neat park. Instead of a wading pool the area is full of different fountains for kids to run through.

Shoot 'em up

This past weekend I went shooting with my dad. I haven't been since I was about 10 years old. I shot a .357 revolver and a .45 Beretta.
I've had this phobia of guns for the past several years and this kinda helped me a bit. I am a horrible shot but for the most part I hit the paper... not always the target itself though.
I remember the revolver having a lot of kick and I was prepared for it but holy shiite! My hand was tired and starting to shake. My wrist was sore for two days. I was trying to hard to control the kick.
It was fun, I'd do it again. Next time I'm going to shoot a .22 and I think I'll pass on the .45.

I may have just saved my neighbors' lives.

This could be the one thing that saves my sanity... my life. I got ridiculously happy when I watched this. I saw hope. I heard birds sing. I did a happy dance. This could change my life and those of my upstairs neighbors. Ohhhh, watch the whole thing. It's so beautiful!

How to Repair Squeaky Floors Through Carpeting Video Floors This Old House

Shared via AddThis

Dad was in a sentimental mood

The other day I posted the toast my dad gave my sister at her graduation party. Later, as I was saying good-bye to him he puts his arm around me and started saying things like:

You are the best big sister. Really. Libby is really lucky.
and...
Since you were nineteen when she was born, you’ve kind of helped raise her. You did a great job.
and...
She really loves being with you. She loves you a lot. I love you very much.
and...
You truly are very special to me; you're my little girl.

There was a mild panic building in me. Oh god dad, don't cry. Don't cry.

My dad and I have grown closer over the past 10 years or so. Before that I was extremely intimidated by him. In recent years he has had these "episodes" where he tells me how much he loves me, my dad is still learning, at 64, to express his feelings to those he loves. For me, at 37, it's good to hear.

Toasting the grad

My little baby sister graduated high school on Saturday. The family sat in the balcony which were good seats but bad for picture taking. In the crowd of purple gowns and caps below us, I see my sister's face looking in the balcony for us, beaming. I waved, she waved back and her smile took over her face. I felt my throat catch at the sight of her. This is a very happy day.

This is more or less the toast my dad gave my sister this weekend at her open house.

I realized this morning that this will be the last graduation of one of my kids. (Libby interupts. Libby: What about college? Dad: Let’s hope so) I forget how important of an experience this is to a young… and naïve person. It’s exciting to think about how much life you have ahead of you to experience and how much you’ll grow and learn.
When Libby was little, about a year old, I started telling her, “don’t get fancy”. This meant don’t go running off. Stick where I can see you. When she was about 2 ½ or 3, we were at McDonald’s and she stood up and said to me, “dad, I want to get fancy”. She wanted to run out one entrance door and back in the other door. Anyway, what I'm saying is now I guess I’ll have to let her go and get fancy.

Cheers!

YAY!

I got the job! I am way too excited!
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I was up watching a movie until a little after 1 am. Not sleepy at all. I woke up sometime around 3:30 am and again around 6:30 am. I was going to just get up but I felt crappy so I dozed on and off for a couple more hours. At 9:30 my phone rings, the caller ID says it's the management company that manages my condo association. It's also the manager I work with as board president. Anyway, I didn't feel like answering. I was feeling like I didn't give a damn what the manager had to say about the piece of crap property... but I answered anyway.
To my surprise it was the woman I interviewed with. I held my breath after she identified herself. Within micro-seconds I was trying to determine her tone. She's calling me ten days too early. She's too chipper to give me bad news. Maybe she's just trying to buffer it. It's gotta be bad news. How should I react to it? Breathe....
Wait, she offered me the job? Holy. Uh, yeah, I'll take that bad boy.
Tentatively I will start the 22nd so I have two weeks to enjoy the time off without looking for a job and stressing over the whole absurdty of it all.
Another awesome thing, I can wear jeans. I was sure I was going to have to buy a whole new waredrobe. As fun as that would have been, the funds aren't there. I'll still have to buy something.
The hours are perfect, the location is super close to home. I have really good feelings about this. I'm happy!

False alarm

The other day I came home and there was a moving truck in the front of my building. The people that live upstairs from me were standing outside of it. I got a thrill, they're moving out! They are going to stop stomping on my head until 12:30 am every night.

Wait, they're taking the stuff OFF the truck? They're suppose to be putting the stuff ON the truck then driving it far, far away.

The only things I can think of is that more furniture means less open space for the little boy to run around in, more furniture means something to absorb the sound, more furniture means some weight on the creaky floor.

More furniture means they're staying for a while.

A book written for me by Anna -age 6 1/2

I feel like I've been writing about kids alot lately...

Anna wrote me a book. It's the first time I've ever had a child make something for me without me having to ask first. I was really touched.

Book cover

Story

I'm not completely sure what it says and as she read it to me she wasn't so sure herself. This is what we got out of it:

Laura I love your happy life.

You just your heart and for all of us to be ...many

To be a is a good...

The book is new

What is it, a book

It is a book, a princess book

And so it's the end of the Laura

So, whatever you get from that, that's the story that was written for me.

Lunch

I had lunch with a friend and her kids last week... or was it the week before? My timeline is completely off.

Look at those eyes! Look at those curls!

He's crackin' himself up!

Had the interview

I'm really trying not to keep my hopes up but HOLY MOLY, I want this job. I totally nailed the interview.
The position is in the accounting department, it's still being made as they are going to get many new accounts. I won't find anything out until after June 15th but I feel really good about it and I got a good sense from them as well.
Fingers and toes crossed....

I sat on babies

Friday I babysat my goddaughters so that their mom and dad could go out.
My plan was to wear them out so they'd go to bed for me. We walked about six blocks to a Chinese buffet. Well, I walked, Jordan sat in the stroller and Anna rode her scooter.
Anna is six and there is a sign that says if you're under eight you have to have an adult with you at the buffet. Well, that was too difficult because Jordan isn't much help at holding a plate in a buffet line so we took turns sitting at the table with Jordan while we dished up our plates. I told Anna to go ahead and help herself and just be really careful.

Anna: (wide eyed) You mean pretend I'm an eight year old?!
Me: No, just be really careful that you don't spill (since she already dropped the serving spoon handle in the sweet & sour sauce).
Anna: Because eight year olds are really careful?

Anna had to dress up to go to the buffet. She changed into a skirt and ruffley tank top, put on light, light pink eyeshadow and glitter lipgloss (she's allowed to wear it but not to school), a bangle bracelet, a necklace, earrings... she wanted to look "really fancy". She wore her Crocs so she could ride her scooter to the restaurant but brought a pair of wedge sandles to change into. Seriously, this is what going out to eat should be all about!



We stopped at a park on the way back and then they were both ready for bed when we got home.

Everything's in bloom!

Interview

I have an interview for next week. Internet, did you hear me? I HAVE AN INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK! You have no idea how this has lifted my spirits. Just to have something positive happen with this job search. To actually have an interview! Someone has acknowledged me! Other than to send me a generic form e-mail stating that "while your skills are commendable we have decided to go with another applicant."
To reward myself I am going to shop for a new interview outfit this week/end.

Only the sky was blue today

A couple of good things:

1. It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shinning, it was warm and bright.
2. I didn't cry.
3. I got an e-mail from a company I had an informational interview with back in February. I will be setting up an interview for that hopefully this week. It's not for the position I originally interviewed for but the president (whom I interviewed with) referred me to another department.
4. My upstairs neighbors will most likely be evicted due to the noise complaints.
5. Johnny Depp will be the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.



More on movies later...

Cute distractions

I went to Perkins last night (one where kids eat free on Saturday night) . I went with my friend and her daughters, my goddaughters. Jordan was in no mood to be photographed that evening and I caught Anna while digging into her salad with "white dressing". I often get the look Jordan is giving, that annoyed look, that look that says, "stop sticking that camera in my face." Sometimes I get that look when I simply say "hi".

I needed this little escape, this distraction, from my week of... well, my bad week. I've been going on long walks. I walk to move away from what is bothering me. It helps get rid of the anxiety; to let my mind and body wander.

Also, according to Anna, it's illegal not to have a job because then you don't have any money.

Best lines

From the HBO series Deadwood. I loved this show and am still so disappointed that it was canceled!

Calamity Jane: Maybe I will have a f*ckin' drink, for sociability's sake and 'cause I'm a f*ckin' drunk.
Joanie Stubbs: What's your preference?
Calamity Jane: That it ain't been previously swallowed.
---------
Al Swearengen: Get a f*cking haircut. Looks like your mother f*cked a monkey.
---------
Calamity Jane: My best friend died. The man I had my best friend-feeling about in the world. Took you as he found you, thought the best of you. Sweet to me!
--------
Al Swearengen: Don't play that sh!t where you make me drag your words outta you. Declare, or shut the f*ck up.
--------
Calamity Jane: If I had that mug on me, I believe I'd cut down getting told how butt f*cking ugly I was by not staring at strangers.
--------
Charlie Utter: My bowels are in an upheavel. I'll walk off to pass wind. Don't ever say I'm not a f*cking gentleman.
--------
E.B. Farnum: Allow me a moments silence, Mr. Hearst. Sir, I am having a digestive crisis and must focus on suppressing its expression.

Rearing it's ugly head again

Anxiety that is.
I'm starting to feel really icky about many things. It's horrible where I live as far as the noise goes. I can't find a job and that's starting a mild panic in me. I don't want to be on the board of my association anymore.
All of these things have resolutions but some come with complications.
I have to fight the upstairs neighbors daily and that is wearing on my nerves. I'm tired and on edge.
I can resign from the board but I feel a certain amount of obligation to them... yet at the same time I don't give a crap.
Searching for a job day after day after day with no results is frustrating and doesn't make me feel valued.
After many weeks of feeling like crying but with no release... I cried. It's how my anxiety and frustration comes out. I cry because I feel helpless and stupid and lost and weak and miserable. Crying somehow lets some of those feeling escape or become not so urgent. I have been waiting for a good cry.
I'm getting that feeling of wanting to run away. I want to move to a smaller city/town where the population isn't bearing down on me. Not just a vacation but a permanent escape.
I need peace.

Gimme a job

It turns out that my confidence is quickly dwindling. I have two more severence checks and then I'll be collecting unemployment. This job search thing is for the birds. I have the education, I have the experience. Why can't I get a job? I know it's like this all over the place and I probably won't find a job that paid me as well as what I previously had. Fine. I don't even have to do anything related to what I used to do. Just give me a job.

I had a little blowout

With my upstairs neighbor that is.
Last Thursday I left during the day to escape the constant noise. Later that night... or should I say early the next morning, at 12:20 am I tried calling and asking her to be quiet. Her phone went right to voicemail. Grrrr! The noise had been ongoing since 9:30 pm. I got dressed, went upstairs, knocked on the door and said in a stern voice, "It's 12:20 in the morning".
She didn't get it.
Me: You need to be quite now.
Her: I don't know what else I can do.
Me: How about set a decent bedtime so he's not running around at midnight.
Her: He's not running around.
Me: Whatever he or you are doing is too much.
Her: He's 18 months old. He gets up to go to the bathroom.
Me: Something has got to change. This is getting to be a real problem.
Her: What do you want me to do, move?
Me: Hey! Go for it!
Her: Are you going to pay my rent?
Me: It's time to keep it down.

Five minutes later it was quite. I am at a complete loss. In the less than two months she has lived there I've had to go knock on her door four times and call her five times. All calls are 11 pm or later.
Also, what 18 month old little boy is potty trained so well that he wakes himself up in the middle of the night and uses the bathroom????
Liar.

Conversations with a six-year old

I don't know if I'll ever come up with a satisfactory answer. She sure is curious. Not necessarily concerned though.



1.

Anna: Do you think you’ll ever get married?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t decided yet.
Anna : Yeah, it’s kinda hard.
Me: Amen sister.
Anna: Did you get your job yet?
Me: No, I’m still looking.
Anna: So your really poor then.
Me: Well, luckily the company I used to work for is still giving me money.
Anna: Oh! Well, that’s pretty nice of them!
Me: Yeah.


2.

Me: So tell me about Nathan... on your bus.
Anna: (big smile) I am a girlfriend!
Me: You are?!
Anna: We are secretly falling in love.
Me: Oh my. That's exciting, isn't it?
Anna: He teases me but he's not mean.
Me: Yeah, sometimes boys do that and they really do like you.
Anna: We are secretly falling in love.
Me: So I heard.

Private Viewing

I was the only one to buy a ticket for the 3:05 showing for Sunshine Cleaning. Good movie.

The reason I went to a movie was because I had to get out of my place since the person who lives upstairs has no concept of community living. The stomping and pounding and thumping and heavy walking and two-year-old running is far beyond what I can stand. It's alllll day everyday. I've called many times (usually because it's still going on around 10:30, 11:00 and as late [early] as 12:40 am). Today I noticed that Rosco was and has been tearing his fur out on his chest. I believe cats do this when they are stressed and anxious. Poor guy jumps and scats with every thump. I don't blame him. I'm near tearing my hair out as well.

Heading out again

Tomorrow morning I'm taking off for San Antonio, TX. A long weekend with a girlfriend in the hot sun. I'm really looking forward to this trip. It's another place I've never been. We only have a tentative itinerary that includes the Alamo and some other missions, shopping and in general walking around and seeing the sites. There will also be margaritas and food! I'm thinking since it is Fiesta there now, they have barrels full of margaritas that you walk by and dip your glass in. Maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Her six year old daughter asked if I would teach her to "talk Texas" when I got back since I taught her how to "talk Boston" last year. Finally, a willing participant.

Florida

Finally some pictures from Florida.

Daytona Beach

My nephew and I climed 203 steps to the top of the Ponce de Leon Inlet lighthouse. There was a great view from the top. This is looking down the spiral staircase before we started going back down.

The best ride at Universal Studios. It was fast and there was fire and it was fun. So much fun that we waited in line for one hour to ride it a second time.



Kennedy Space Center. It was raining part of the day but a lot of what we did was inside. This is the day that I was reminded why I avoid vacations with my step-dad - he was crabby.

St. Augustine

I keep thinking about St. Augustine. I really would love to go back again and spend some more time walking around. All the little shops and the way it was set up. I just love being there. Plus it was probably the most perfect day weather wise. This is the enterance to the old part of St. Augustine. All the walls are made out of this sand/shell mixture.

I drank from the Fountain of Youth. So far nothing... There were some gorgeous peacocks on the property.

My cat tried to kill me at the vet.

I brought sweet Sam to the vet on Tuesday. At the Banfield Pet Hospital they have “complimentary office visits” for a couple of hours. I brought Sam here once before for a urinary tract infection. I liked the vet service but Sam hated everything and everyone that day. He was so worked up that day that the vets and the assistants couldn't get him from the holding kennel to the carrier. He was like the Tasmanian Devil - seriously.

Anyway, I thought I’d give them a try for vaccinations.
At the clinic there is a dog barking non stop in the grooming area. The phone is ringing and there are people coming and going. Who knows what the scents were that Sam could have been smelling with his little kitty smeller. Up on the scale. My baby boy weighs 15 lbs. He’s a big boy but really only about a pound over weight. I wish I were only a pound overweight.
We sit for a couple minutes by ourselves in the waiting room then are called into the exam room. There is fur all over the floor from the black Lab that was in there before us. The exam table didn’t look like it had been wiped off. The counter tops were noticeably in need of a wipe down. I let Sam get out of his carrier and explore. I read all the pamphlets in the room. Looked at all the models of the hair follicles, teeth, heart, claw, vertebrae, etc. I gave Sam belly rubs. He settled down next to me alert but content.
The assistant came in and entered information into the computer and yapped on about her four cats and her fiance. She left and I’m thinking she’s going to get the vaccine. We wait. Then we wait some more. It’s now been 45 minutes since we walked in the door.
The vet comes in and Sam gives her a hiss and a growl and a couple evil eyes. I hold him and calm him while she sticks a thermometer in his bum. He lets us know he’s pissed with a very long, low guttural growl that I didn’t know he had in him. The thermometer, I swear, was in there for a full minute before it beeped. I’d be pissed too.
Now for the shots. I’m thinking two quick shots and out the door. That’s how it usually is. He takes his shots like a man. Well, the distemper went in with a medium scream. I was holding him by the scruff lightly and the vet had a hold of his hind end. She pinched his skin and stuck the rabies needle in and Sam hit the roof. I think he must have caught a good three feet of air. He screamed bloody murder, peed on the table and took off for a corner all in two-thirds of a second (see Taz above). He managed to get my hand with a back claw and my arm. Luckily I had on a long sleeve shirt.

I couldn’t even look at him without him hissing or growling. Holy shit he hates me! And how was I going to get him back in the carrier? How was the vet going to give him his rabies vaccine? Somehow I got him to scoot in the carrier and we decided that I‘d bring him in the next day since he kind of hit that point of no return. The vet said she’ll just stick him real quick and be done. I'm thinking, yeah right. We're going to have to dope him up just to give him a vaccine. How are we going to get near him to dope him up?
Turns out it went perfect. He didn't even flinch. It was with a different vet and between all the waiting and thermometer- up-the-butt time he had had it. Plus, I think the first vet stuck him wrong. I felt horrible for traumatizing him two days in a row but he came through like a trooper. We went home had some treats and cuddled up 'cause, like I tell him all the time, "we're cuddlers, you and me".

The Reawakening

There is a time, when we are young
when we lie out in a meadow, our hands
clasped behind our head, and as we stare up
at the sky, we dream of what our life might
be. The possibilities seem endless, and we
are enchanted at this vision. It beckons us
toward Life, and Joy.

But then, as things work out, and we grow
older, Reality sets in. We decide we have to
settle. Settle for a life that’s less than what
we dreamed. A different life. Maybe an
Okay life. But definitely a lesser life.
and, at times, a boring life.

But sometimes later, in out life, something
awakens within us. Call it yearning. Call it
hope. We com to realize the dream we
dreamed has never died. And we go back
to get it. We decide to resume our search…
for the life we know within our heart that
we were meant to live.

From - What Color Is Your Parachute?: A practical manual for job-hunters and career-changers
By Richard Nelson Bolles

Another meeting from the 'Twilight Zone'

My condo association had its annual meeting on Monday night. The main purpose of the meeting is to vote new officers on the board. This year two positions were up for election (I will try to make this the short version) . There were four people who nominated themselves. One got elected with a more than half the votes. Another only had 15 votes. The other two had 41 and 53 votes. The problem is that the ballots were counted four times and a different number came up each time.

While the counting and recounting is going on “S” (who is running for the board) comes up to me, “how was your vacation”? I tell her it was great, really relaxing. She sits down next to me and in a low voice says, “do you remember that meeting we had?” I remembered. “So, what happened? Hmmm?” She was staring me down completely trying to intimidate me. Apparently she was under the impression that I was going to collect all the proxy votes and make sure the votes went to her. I told her that wasn’t what I said I’d do. She said, “oh, you’re going to renege?” What’s to renege? I didn’t say that. “Are you denying you said that?” Uh, yeah. “Oh. Huh. I see,” she says with a real condescending tone. “’B’ is my witness, she heard you say you‘d promise; no problem”. Of course “B” wasn’t standing beside her supporting her. I would never make a promise to rig the voting. She must have taken the wrong medication that day.
So, she gets up trying to give me the impression that I completely betrayed her, lied to her, stabbed her in the back. What kind of adult (she’s in her mid 50’) behaves this way? As she walks away I salute her (I know, what kind of adult behaves that way?!) Her buddy “B” is looking at me, tight lipped. I shake my head at her and roll my eyes. I was completely put off by the both of them and couldn’t care less what they thought of me. Screw her.
Luckily she didn’t win the second position.
Now, the one who came out on top the board was really excited about. He has a background in accounting and we really need someone in the Treasurer’s position who knows their stuff. I congratulate him and casually ask him if there is a particular position he is interested in (we decide at the next meeting who is going to be in which position). I’m the president and don’t like the position. It comes with a lot of stress. But, do I want anyone else in the position? I thought I didn’t mind until the new member said he’d like to be President. I actually laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. So I said, sure, why not. We’ll talk about it at the next meeting and take a vote. He made some comments to another board member about how he could “oversee” the treasurer’s position as president. He said, “in order to get the things done that I want done, I need to be in a higher position.” Wha?
The other board members and I agree that a person’s first year on the board shouldn’t be in the position of the president’s position. We also all agree that there are some red flags with that comment. Especially since “S” was whispering to him all night.
To be continued… this could get good.

A bit about Florida

I have completely managed to update my blog. I have had a horrible time uploading my pictures for whatever reason. I will have to post those at another time.
Florida was perfect. The weather was in the 70's and sunny. St. Augustine was my favorite. All the unique shops and history. Plus I got to meet a long time internet friend. We had lunch. We've talked about meeting since about 2002.
Universal Studios was fun and crowded but worth it. The Kennedy Space Center was worth seeing once. Minus the old lady who sat in front of us in the IMAX theatre. My mom was talking quietly during the opening credits and the lady turned around and said, "Excuse me. Could you shut up?" and turned back around. Apparently the film on living in space in 3-D is a serious one. She certainly didn't stand up and tell the little 2 year old that was crying to shut up. She didn't tell the audience to shut up when the gasped and ooo'd and aahhh'd at the 3-D. Needless to say, my witty combacks I told her in my mind distracted me from the movie.
Daytona Beach was fun. Boogie boarding was so much fun and my nephew and I dug castles with moats in various places on the beach.
It was hard to leave but it's good to be home too. Now I have plans for San Antonio in a couple weekends. I figure I better do some traveling now because once I (hopefully) get a job who knows when I'll get some vacation time!

What happens when I go on vacation?

I come home needing to buy toilet paper.

Sho shoft but still fat

I just had a facial. I think she exfoliated two layers of my skin. Then I think she put on five layers of moisturizer. My skin is sooooo soft and glowing right now. I think I'm going to do this regularily. It was really inexpensive and convenient.


Tonight I am going to have my annual St. Patrick's Day dinner. Corned beef, cabbage, potatoes and Irish soda bread. We're having it early so everyone can make it. This is a new tradition my dad started about seven or eight years ago. He's only a quarter Irish which makes me only an eighth but it's something he wants to celebrate and that means good food. It's my favorite meal of the year.


I had my doctors appointment this week. Thanks to my thyroid disease all my tests came back shitty. Triglycerides and cholesteral are really bad but suprisingly my thyroid levels are fine. So, now I have to cut out sugar and up my exercise. One good thing is that I've lost enough weight to get out of the "obese" BMI. I am now "overweight" (still F-A-T).

Three days 'til Florida!

So in love with this

Pictures of You - The Cure

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel

Remembering You standing quiet in the rain
As I ran to your heart to be near
And we kissed as the sky fell in
Holding you close
How I always held close in your fear
Remembering You running soft through the night
You were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow
And screamed at the make-believe
Screamed at the sky
And you finally found all your courage
To let it all go

Remembering You fallen into my arms
Crying for the death of your heart
You were stone white
So delicate
Lost in the cold
You were always so lost in the dark
Remembering You how you used to be
Slow drowned
You were angels
So much more than everything
Hold for the last time then slip away quietly
Open my eyes
But I never see anything

If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart
All my pictures of you
Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for the words to be true
But always just breaking apart
My pictures of you

There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to feel you deep in my heart
There was nothing in the world
That I ever wanted more
Than to never feel the breaking apart
All my pictures of you

Kids these days

I went shopping at Target with my friend and her daughter (my six-year old goddaughter). Once again I was asked by the little munchkin why I wasn't married yet. Simply put, I haven't found anyone I want to marry. Conveniently an associate from the Target deli walked by just as I was commenting on how cute the little Diet Coke cans are "cuuuute!" He said "oh thanks. Oh you mean the cans" and he continued on. It was funny and the timing was perfect. A couple seconds later my goddaughter says, "maybe you should marry him". Yes, maybe I should. If only it were that simple.

This somehow led to a conversation about my job (or lack of job). She asked me if I had a job and I informed her in fewer words that my services were no longer required, I was laid off, my ass was fired. Really, I explained I didn't have a job at the moment and I'm looking. Her comment: what do you do all day? Just sit around?

It makes me happy too

From Post Secret

Oh c'mon!

I started my job search. I'm feeling good about what's available. However, just to apply is quite the ordeal. If you apply online a profile has to be made on the original search engine. From there, many job postings have links to apply. This brings you to yet another profile to fill in. All of these require usernames, passwords. Some passwords require at least six characters, some require at least eight. One site require a password that was 8 - 20 characters. Of those characters, at least one had to be a capital letter, one had to be a number and one had to be a symbol (@#$%&*). Really?
Needless to say, it wasn't a very constructive day. At least I'm set up for the most part.
Now I'm going to slack the rest of the day.

Tomorrow, it's only a day away.

Starting tomorrow I will begin my job search.
After the initial shock of being laid off, I told myself that I would start applying and actively looking the first week of March.
I'm not sure what to expect. I expect to find a lot of jobs to apply for but I'm not sure what to expect in terms of being called in for an interview and then actually getting a job.
Since my last job search I have completed my degree in Business Administration and I've gained an additional eight years of experience. My feeling is that my biggest obstacle will be finding a job that pays the same as what I just left.
So, tonight I get organized for the search.

Creepy little kid

I was at the library yesterday. I was on one of the computers typing away on Word since I don't have it on my laptop. This little boy, about four or five years old, comes in with his mom and sits on a chair by her while she does her thing on Facebook, etc. He was wearing a red Spiderman stocking cap and gloves. All bundled up.
My first mistake was smiling at him. My second mistake was winking at him. We played the winking game back and forth for a while. Next I look over at him and he gives me the thumbs up. Then another time he throughs up the "I love you" sign with the thumb, pointer and pinky thing. Okay, so we're winking and smiling and giving each other the thumbs up and I love you's. Suddenly he blows me a sly, flirty, eyes a little come-hithery kiss.
Woah! This is getting awkward. He keeps whispering from his seat, "heeey" until I look. Oh! Another kiss! This goes on for about 10 minutes and I'm trying to get back to the thumbs up stage of our relationship. Finally his mom is done on the computer and we give each other a little wave good-bye.
It was for the best.

Shopping on an empty stomach with PMS

I went grocery shopping last night at about 9:30. Not the best time but it's not busy and I can whip through the isles with ease.

The problem is that I had an empty stomach and had all kinds of random cravings.

So I started in the produce section. Avacados. Ohhhh wouldn't guacamole be good? Bought a tomato then needed corn chips.

Ohhh what about a ham, cheese and egg bagle? Bought ham, eggs and bagles. Had cheese. Ohhh what about grilled cheese with bacon? Bought bacon.

Cocoa Pebbles sound good and what about Pop Tarts? Oh, wait how about this idea I saw while staying up late one night watching an infomercial for the Magic Bullet. Whipping cream + chocolate sauce = chocolate mousse.

Two bags of garbage later I got home and all I had to eat was some cinnamon and sugar toast.

Going on a jet plane

I'm so excited to have booked my trip to go to Daytona Beach in March. I've got plans to see Universal Studios, Kennedy Space Center and a trip to St. Augustine. I'm flying down with my 11 year old nephew who has never flown. I hope he gets a window seat!
I have been to Florida twice. Once in 4th grade and once in 11th. I still have so many memories of the things we did and saw and ate.
I can distinctly remember the way the air smelled and felt on my skin. I remember the warmth from the sun, the warm breeze. I remember the salt from the ocean water drying on my skin making it tight. I remember the scent of aloe from the lotion I wore after spending the day in the sun. I remember being so relaxed and completely in the moment enjoying my surroundings, enjoying my vacation.
I remember the sand and crushed shells in Clearwater Beach. I remember it rained when we were in Disney the first time. I remember the smell of coffee in the hotel restaurant. I remember swimming in the ocean. There were jellyfish I avoided.
I'm excited to go, to experience new things and make new memories.

Slack-a-lacker

I have been busy with my new duties as president on my association board. We're getting ready for an election in March and things are changing... for the good. There has been some bad blood between many, many homeowner's and the previous president. Since she's stepped down and will not be running for a new term people are rejoicing. They are contacting me with ideas and concerns and want to help. This is what I thought would happen all along. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Suddenly I have a ton of responsibility. This is good experience for me though and I'm hoping I can live up to the hype.

February 1st I had the honor of becoming my niece's godmother.

Meow.

Happy 9th birthday Rosco P. Coltrane!

Doin' a whole lot of nothin'

Today I have done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, nothing in a way of important things. I slept super late... like 10:45. That had to do with a bout of insomnia last night. I was wide awake until 2 am.
Then I got busy watching the last two episodes of Oz Season 2. I'm getting hooked on it. Just another show to add to my desensitized sense to violence. Seriously, one episode showed a group of inmates crucifying another inmate to the floor. Nails in hands, nail in feet. I hardly flinched.
I went tanning today. For many years (ten) I was able to tan for free at the salon I worked at. Then I started getting some very fine lines around my eyes and I blamed tanning rather than age. From there I banned myself from the act and got on the "tanning is bad for you" bandwagon. Then I noticed that the lines came anyway. Sure, there's the whole cancer thing to consider too. Anyway, for the past couple of years I go for 10 sessions right before I go on vacation whether there's sun where I'm going or not. It just makes me feel not so pasty white in the pictures.
So, there's my busy day. I've been running all week and so today I don't care if I really get anything done. Except laundry. It's always good to have clean unders for the week.

First one sent off into cyber space

I just sent in my first cover letter and resume. I sent it to the company my step mom works for (she's VP). I sent it directly to the President and CEO of the company as she suggested. I'm thinking it would be ideal as far as tasks, location and advancement opportunities. The pay should be comparable to what I just left... if not a tad better. We shall see.
The applying part is fun and exciting. The interviewing part is what freaks me out. I'm confident enough but I have a hard time "bragging" about myself. Although I am most excellent generally speaking.

On a completely off topic note, I've officially lost 15 lbs. Although it's not enough for me to tell, a few people have noticed something and that is motivation enough (and I bought a new scale).

Bithday girls

I had a birthday yesterday. It was pretty uneventful. I used to be so excited to have a birthday but now it's just another day. I saw my mom and we ate brunch then did some shopping. Later I went to my stepmom's and had dinner and cake.
My (half)sister and I have the same birthday. We are 19 years apart almost to the hour. She makes the day a little more special. Although, it wasn't always that way. At first I was extremely resentful that I had to share MY birthday. Now it's pretty cool. She doesn't know any different, she's always had to share her day with me. I hope she has never and will never feel cheated.
So she's 18 and I'm 37. She wants to go get a tattoo together. She's talked about it for about a year and when we recently talked about that possiblility it turns out we wanted the same tattoo in the same spot. I told her she needs to really think about this. It took me almost ten years to finally get my tattoo and she says, "yeah, and you got a butterfly just like everyone gets a butterfly for their first tattoo." Dang. I thought everyone got a rose or rosebud. My bad.
I guess we'll get them soon is all I can say.
37 seems like a pretty alright age. True, I'm not married, I'm really as single as they come. I have no children and none on the way. I keep saying maybe one day but I'm really not in a hurry. Sure, the clock is ticking but do I want kids? I struggle with this a lot. A lot.
But it's another year and here I am with a ton of possibilities in front of me. 37 could be a great year.

WHEEEEW!!

Friday I got my vacation pay (I had over a month banked), my last paycheck and I will receive my first installment of my severance in two weeks and every two weeks after that for 18 weeks total. I feel extremely lucky.
I'm taking a slow approach to the job search but I hope to have a job by the end of March or beginning of April. I've been out of work for a week now and I'm already bored outta my gourd. I still have plenty to do on my to-do list but it's not going to last me. Maybe I could do something part-time just to have something to do.
I hate looking for a job. I have always had a job lined up before I end a job. I have stayed at my jobs for years and years. I feel loyal to my employers. Where did I read or hear that these days the average person stays at a job or with a company for an average of five years? Or was it three? Nobody stays someplace for 30 years anymore.
One option I will look into is taking a refesher course to activate my Cosmetology license. May as well since I have the time and the money. Maybe I'll look into a photography class as well.
Everything cost money...

Holding my breath

Still waiting on the severance. Things keep changing and it's frustrating and unfair. Granted, the company doesn't have to give me a severance but it was promised to me and is still not delivered.
Tomorrow I'm suppose to pick up my last check, my vacation pay, and my severance. However, rather than a lump sum I will receive it in installments. I'll find out more tomorrow.
Today was the first day that it hit me that I have to find a new job. Today I got my first twinge of anxiety. It also occurred to me that this is an opportunity to start new, try something different. Although pay will be my main issue in my job search I feel confidant.
I'm so afraid I'm going to get some kind of bad news tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive and keep the attitude that I will deal with whatever issues when I cross that bridge. Right now I have a strong desire to run. Where to I have no clue, just away. I want to turn off my phone, not talk to anyone and just be alone. I care that people care but it's overwhelming. All the questions of "how are you doing?", "what will you do?" being asked four, five times a day is freaking me out to be honest. I just lost my job. How can I instantly get in the mentality of a job search? I know I will have to but I just need a second to catch my breath.

Day one

Today I should have gotten up and gone to work but instead I slept until 9:45, watched the last episode of season two The Wire, and made a To Do list.
I am still on the payroll for this week but am not working. Works for me. I will get a phone call today or tomorrow regarding the severance. I was able to gather information and am certain I will receive it.
There are different channels to go through: court, blah, blah, blah, since the company filed for bankruptcy. I am feeling optimistic about it all though. I have some options and several connections I will be utilizing.
Right now, I'm starting this off with the attitude that I'm enjoying the time off.
My weekend was full and offered plenty of distractions... and unsolicited well-intentioned advice. My family celebrated four January birthday's on Saturday. I got all four seasons of The Office. I am just giddy about it!
Sunday I got away from it all by driving down to my mom's. I enjoyed free laundry and free food. Something that comes in handy when one isn't employed. Throw in quality time with my mom and a long beautiful drive (even in the winter), it wasn't half bad.

Ummm... okay...

New developments.

No severance today.

No vacation pay today.

Possibly Tuesday.

I'm thouroughly pisssed.

I'm kind of numb.

Maybe I'll contract for a time.

Get my hopes up?

Better not.

Looking forward to the new.

Neighbor is bitching about the Board.

No details yet, just a message.


This should be good.

My friends are the best.

What am I still doing up?

Oh yeah, I don't have a job.

Big Brother: Age 40

My older brother's birthday was Sunday. He turned 40. To have a brother who is 40 is a bit surreal as it means I will be 37 shortly. It's also surreal as I still see my brother being 28. I also see myself as being 28. But, how can that be because we weren't born in the same year and neither of us has been 28 for quite some time... him longer than myself, I'd like to point out.

Christmas Day 2008

Although I adore my brother now, I haven't always gotten along with him. There were many times I got the wind knocked out of me from a blow to the stomach. I was also tortured with him pinning me down on my back, arms locked above my head with one of his hands and either being tickled to near death or having his chin or knuckles dig into my chest.


I been forced to smell his breath in the same position described above and there was that one time he came into my room at night and told me to smell his finger. This is the same brother who stood up for me because one of his friends put dirt in my dolly's hair. The same one who, without validation or hesitation, chased down the girl who I said stole my bike... just because she had the same bike as me.


I'll admit, I pushed his buttons and enjoyed it since he's the one that always got in trouble. I think our teen years were the worst. This involved more yelling, throwing glasses, throwing records, hitting back and tears - from both of us. Yet I cried when, at 18, he moved to California. I cried again three months later from happiness this time because he moved back.


We've grown up together. We share experiences that noone else in our family has. WE are the product of our divorced parents. We shared the ups and downs but maybe in seperate ways. After all, he was the older brother, first born, only son and I was the younger sister, baby, only daughter.


I consider myself extremely lucky to have an older brother. Even more lucky to have the older brother I have. He's funny, intellegent, talented and honest. Traits we share from being raised in the same household with the same values. Yet our way of life is so completely different. I am a planner. He lives day to day. In some ways I'm envious of that but I like to believe he's a bit envious of me too.

Sign here

On Friday, at 8:15 a.m., I will sign an "Involuntary Separation Program Agreement and Release"

At 2:30 this afternoon I was called into "the conference room". Yes, I have been laid off due to the company's financial situation. My last day is Friday.... this Friday. Yeah, no shit, the currant owners have run a 142 year old company into the ground in a matter of 18 months.

One good thing about being loyal to a company and putting in years of service is that when you get laid off you get two weeks pay for every year you've worked there. Luckily I have been given a severance that will allow me almost five months until I enter panic mode.

What pissed me off is the man who gave me the news I'd only met once for maybe five seconds. He knows nothing of what I do, how I do it, and the fact that nobody, literally nobody knows the programs I use. Of course it's difficult to lay someone off that hasn't done anything wrong. On paper my position could be eliminated. So be it. BUT, I got no greeting handshake, no apology, no thank you for your nearly 10 years of service, no eye contact. Just business and move along to the next one.

I'm looking at this as a blessing in disguise. I'm getting a severance. If I find a job with in three months, I have a chunk of money I can pay down, and in some cases off, my debts. So this is good, right? Plus, it's a push for me to get out of a job that I got stuck in, too comfortable. I could be getting a larger pay check somewhere else, I'm sure. But I had it sooooo good where I was. Great boss, wore jeans every day, I could take the day off with only a day's notice. I guess it's time to grow up and get a big girl job.

This is hopefully the beginning of something positive.