Running on empty

Basically I've been running on empty for going on five months.
A coworker of mine decided she had an medical issue and took leave.
It's all BS but that's neither here nor there.
The fact is that I've been busy beyond belief.
Long gone are the days I spent reading the entire internet.
I don't even have time to log on.
I like it busy but not crazy.
Relief has come in the form of a gal named Kelly.
I'm getting caught up.
I am liking this job thing again.

Discombobulated

I love that word.
It's how I've been feeling since I've started my new job. I'm so busy but I love it.
I haven't read any of the blogs I'd been reading daily - I feel out of the loop. I check my home e-mail once a day (if that). A week goes by before I realize I haven't talked to my mom (we usually take a few times a week). My weekends have been filled with doing hair, I haven't done anything social.
This week, when I come home in the evenings, I've been organizing. Why didn't I do this when I had all day off for five months? I've gotten rid of so much crap. I've shredded enough old files to fill up a large garbage bag. It feels good to purge all that!
Tonight I will sit on my arse and watch So You Think You Can Dance and knit a little of a blanket I'm working on. I can't wait.

Working hard for my money

So far I really like my new job! I'm busy and the days go by fast. Of course I'm learning a ton of new things and it takes me a while to get through the work since I'm not familiar with it. The people I work with are really nice and very helpful with my millions of questions.
I think, in the past two days, I've done more work than I did in a week at my other job. Seriously. It's great!

Oh, and I hit 20lbs lost!

YAY!

I got the job! I am way too excited!
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I was up watching a movie until a little after 1 am. Not sleepy at all. I woke up sometime around 3:30 am and again around 6:30 am. I was going to just get up but I felt crappy so I dozed on and off for a couple more hours. At 9:30 my phone rings, the caller ID says it's the management company that manages my condo association. It's also the manager I work with as board president. Anyway, I didn't feel like answering. I was feeling like I didn't give a damn what the manager had to say about the piece of crap property... but I answered anyway.
To my surprise it was the woman I interviewed with. I held my breath after she identified herself. Within micro-seconds I was trying to determine her tone. She's calling me ten days too early. She's too chipper to give me bad news. Maybe she's just trying to buffer it. It's gotta be bad news. How should I react to it? Breathe....
Wait, she offered me the job? Holy. Uh, yeah, I'll take that bad boy.
Tentatively I will start the 22nd so I have two weeks to enjoy the time off without looking for a job and stressing over the whole absurdty of it all.
Another awesome thing, I can wear jeans. I was sure I was going to have to buy a whole new waredrobe. As fun as that would have been, the funds aren't there. I'll still have to buy something.
The hours are perfect, the location is super close to home. I have really good feelings about this. I'm happy!

Had the interview

I'm really trying not to keep my hopes up but HOLY MOLY, I want this job. I totally nailed the interview.
The position is in the accounting department, it's still being made as they are going to get many new accounts. I won't find anything out until after June 15th but I feel really good about it and I got a good sense from them as well.
Fingers and toes crossed....

Interview

I have an interview for next week. Internet, did you hear me? I HAVE AN INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK! You have no idea how this has lifted my spirits. Just to have something positive happen with this job search. To actually have an interview! Someone has acknowledged me! Other than to send me a generic form e-mail stating that "while your skills are commendable we have decided to go with another applicant."
To reward myself I am going to shop for a new interview outfit this week/end.

Only the sky was blue today

A couple of good things:

1. It was a beautiful day today. The sun was shinning, it was warm and bright.
2. I didn't cry.
3. I got an e-mail from a company I had an informational interview with back in February. I will be setting up an interview for that hopefully this week. It's not for the position I originally interviewed for but the president (whom I interviewed with) referred me to another department.
4. My upstairs neighbors will most likely be evicted due to the noise complaints.
5. Johnny Depp will be the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.



More on movies later...

Rearing it's ugly head again

Anxiety that is.
I'm starting to feel really icky about many things. It's horrible where I live as far as the noise goes. I can't find a job and that's starting a mild panic in me. I don't want to be on the board of my association anymore.
All of these things have resolutions but some come with complications.
I have to fight the upstairs neighbors daily and that is wearing on my nerves. I'm tired and on edge.
I can resign from the board but I feel a certain amount of obligation to them... yet at the same time I don't give a crap.
Searching for a job day after day after day with no results is frustrating and doesn't make me feel valued.
After many weeks of feeling like crying but with no release... I cried. It's how my anxiety and frustration comes out. I cry because I feel helpless and stupid and lost and weak and miserable. Crying somehow lets some of those feeling escape or become not so urgent. I have been waiting for a good cry.
I'm getting that feeling of wanting to run away. I want to move to a smaller city/town where the population isn't bearing down on me. Not just a vacation but a permanent escape.
I need peace.

Gimme a job

It turns out that my confidence is quickly dwindling. I have two more severence checks and then I'll be collecting unemployment. This job search thing is for the birds. I have the education, I have the experience. Why can't I get a job? I know it's like this all over the place and I probably won't find a job that paid me as well as what I previously had. Fine. I don't even have to do anything related to what I used to do. Just give me a job.

Oh c'mon!

I started my job search. I'm feeling good about what's available. However, just to apply is quite the ordeal. If you apply online a profile has to be made on the original search engine. From there, many job postings have links to apply. This brings you to yet another profile to fill in. All of these require usernames, passwords. Some passwords require at least six characters, some require at least eight. One site require a password that was 8 - 20 characters. Of those characters, at least one had to be a capital letter, one had to be a number and one had to be a symbol (@#$%&*). Really?
Needless to say, it wasn't a very constructive day. At least I'm set up for the most part.
Now I'm going to slack the rest of the day.

Tomorrow, it's only a day away.

Starting tomorrow I will begin my job search.
After the initial shock of being laid off, I told myself that I would start applying and actively looking the first week of March.
I'm not sure what to expect. I expect to find a lot of jobs to apply for but I'm not sure what to expect in terms of being called in for an interview and then actually getting a job.
Since my last job search I have completed my degree in Business Administration and I've gained an additional eight years of experience. My feeling is that my biggest obstacle will be finding a job that pays the same as what I just left.
So, tonight I get organized for the search.

First one sent off into cyber space

I just sent in my first cover letter and resume. I sent it to the company my step mom works for (she's VP). I sent it directly to the President and CEO of the company as she suggested. I'm thinking it would be ideal as far as tasks, location and advancement opportunities. The pay should be comparable to what I just left... if not a tad better. We shall see.
The applying part is fun and exciting. The interviewing part is what freaks me out. I'm confident enough but I have a hard time "bragging" about myself. Although I am most excellent generally speaking.

On a completely off topic note, I've officially lost 15 lbs. Although it's not enough for me to tell, a few people have noticed something and that is motivation enough (and I bought a new scale).

WHEEEEW!!

Friday I got my vacation pay (I had over a month banked), my last paycheck and I will receive my first installment of my severance in two weeks and every two weeks after that for 18 weeks total. I feel extremely lucky.
I'm taking a slow approach to the job search but I hope to have a job by the end of March or beginning of April. I've been out of work for a week now and I'm already bored outta my gourd. I still have plenty to do on my to-do list but it's not going to last me. Maybe I could do something part-time just to have something to do.
I hate looking for a job. I have always had a job lined up before I end a job. I have stayed at my jobs for years and years. I feel loyal to my employers. Where did I read or hear that these days the average person stays at a job or with a company for an average of five years? Or was it three? Nobody stays someplace for 30 years anymore.
One option I will look into is taking a refesher course to activate my Cosmetology license. May as well since I have the time and the money. Maybe I'll look into a photography class as well.
Everything cost money...

Holding my breath

Still waiting on the severance. Things keep changing and it's frustrating and unfair. Granted, the company doesn't have to give me a severance but it was promised to me and is still not delivered.
Tomorrow I'm suppose to pick up my last check, my vacation pay, and my severance. However, rather than a lump sum I will receive it in installments. I'll find out more tomorrow.
Today was the first day that it hit me that I have to find a new job. Today I got my first twinge of anxiety. It also occurred to me that this is an opportunity to start new, try something different. Although pay will be my main issue in my job search I feel confidant.
I'm so afraid I'm going to get some kind of bad news tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive and keep the attitude that I will deal with whatever issues when I cross that bridge. Right now I have a strong desire to run. Where to I have no clue, just away. I want to turn off my phone, not talk to anyone and just be alone. I care that people care but it's overwhelming. All the questions of "how are you doing?", "what will you do?" being asked four, five times a day is freaking me out to be honest. I just lost my job. How can I instantly get in the mentality of a job search? I know I will have to but I just need a second to catch my breath.

Day one

Today I should have gotten up and gone to work but instead I slept until 9:45, watched the last episode of season two The Wire, and made a To Do list.
I am still on the payroll for this week but am not working. Works for me. I will get a phone call today or tomorrow regarding the severance. I was able to gather information and am certain I will receive it.
There are different channels to go through: court, blah, blah, blah, since the company filed for bankruptcy. I am feeling optimistic about it all though. I have some options and several connections I will be utilizing.
Right now, I'm starting this off with the attitude that I'm enjoying the time off.
My weekend was full and offered plenty of distractions... and unsolicited well-intentioned advice. My family celebrated four January birthday's on Saturday. I got all four seasons of The Office. I am just giddy about it!
Sunday I got away from it all by driving down to my mom's. I enjoyed free laundry and free food. Something that comes in handy when one isn't employed. Throw in quality time with my mom and a long beautiful drive (even in the winter), it wasn't half bad.

Ummm... okay...

New developments.

No severance today.

No vacation pay today.

Possibly Tuesday.

I'm thouroughly pisssed.

I'm kind of numb.

Maybe I'll contract for a time.

Get my hopes up?

Better not.

Looking forward to the new.

Neighbor is bitching about the Board.

No details yet, just a message.


This should be good.

My friends are the best.

What am I still doing up?

Oh yeah, I don't have a job.

Sign here

On Friday, at 8:15 a.m., I will sign an "Involuntary Separation Program Agreement and Release"

At 2:30 this afternoon I was called into "the conference room". Yes, I have been laid off due to the company's financial situation. My last day is Friday.... this Friday. Yeah, no shit, the currant owners have run a 142 year old company into the ground in a matter of 18 months.

One good thing about being loyal to a company and putting in years of service is that when you get laid off you get two weeks pay for every year you've worked there. Luckily I have been given a severance that will allow me almost five months until I enter panic mode.

What pissed me off is the man who gave me the news I'd only met once for maybe five seconds. He knows nothing of what I do, how I do it, and the fact that nobody, literally nobody knows the programs I use. Of course it's difficult to lay someone off that hasn't done anything wrong. On paper my position could be eliminated. So be it. BUT, I got no greeting handshake, no apology, no thank you for your nearly 10 years of service, no eye contact. Just business and move along to the next one.

I'm looking at this as a blessing in disguise. I'm getting a severance. If I find a job with in three months, I have a chunk of money I can pay down, and in some cases off, my debts. So this is good, right? Plus, it's a push for me to get out of a job that I got stuck in, too comfortable. I could be getting a larger pay check somewhere else, I'm sure. But I had it sooooo good where I was. Great boss, wore jeans every day, I could take the day off with only a day's notice. I guess it's time to grow up and get a big girl job.

This is hopefully the beginning of something positive.

People and books

I do most of my reading at work during my breaks and lunch and then right before bed.

I'm very good at tuning people out while I'm reading. So much so that most of the time I don't know when someone is talking to me. I like this about books. I like that a good book can completely take over my being and remove me from reality.

People are funny about books. People that don't read a lot, that is. When I start a new book a guy at work asks if it's a drama or a comedy. Is it a true story? If it's fiction he refers to it as "fantasy". He wants to know what the book is about as if I would be telling him the plot of a movie. We do this week after week, book after book.

Another guy tells me that he doesn't read much... occasionally he does... he's reading a book by so-and-so now and it's really well written. It's about a girl who gets done with high school and is now going to college and then... she's just gone. He's only on page 75 and they're talking to her parents now. But it's really well written, the way the author writes. The library didn't have it... he bought it... his wife had a $25 gift card. So anyway...

Another guy just asks what I'm reading and no matter what I'm reading asks if I've read the latest Dean Koontz book. I love Dean Koontz and so the conversation leads to that. The same topics, every time.

Reading at work is a great way to tune others out but it also invites some odd conversation.

Assembly line

From Post Secret:
There are many day I agree!

Still learning life lessons

I ran to Aldi last night at about 6:30 for milk. I'm very excited because they now take all debit and check cards so I will be shopping there more often... but that's beside the point. I was in a hurry because The Biggest Loser was coming on at 7. When I got back into my car at 6:38, nothing happened when I turned the key. My battery was dead.

After a brief period of panic, I called my neighbor (yes, that one). She earned her gold star by coming the half mile to give my battery a jump. At first nothing, that suckah was dead. Once back to my place I backed into my garage stall and it died. It died dead.

My neighbor said to not hesitate to call if I needed her in the morning.

I needed her in the morning.

I hate asking for help. I do everything on my own, by myself. I figure it out and I do it. I refuse to be a helpless female. Unfortunately, I forget that everyone needs help from time to time and it's okay to ask for help and accept help when it's offered. I'm always afraid I'm going to cause people to feel put out.

I waited until 8:10 this morning to call my neighbor. From 7:40 - 8:10 I practically worked my way into a tizzy because I was afraid I'd wake her up, I was afraid she'd feel put out, I was afraid of asking for help.

We got my car going again and I drove the 10 miles to work. All along the way my stomach was doing flips and I was sure that my car would die in the middle of traffic and I'd be one of those people. The ones who are stopped in the middle of a lane with their flashers on while angry drivers are trying to maneuver their way around.

Luckily, I made it without incident and luckily I work at a garage. A battery has been ordered and will be delivered. My car is in a nice warm building and someone will put my new battery in. They will do this without a second thought because they want to help me and they don't see me as a damsel in distress.