Bithday girls

I had a birthday yesterday. It was pretty uneventful. I used to be so excited to have a birthday but now it's just another day. I saw my mom and we ate brunch then did some shopping. Later I went to my stepmom's and had dinner and cake.
My (half)sister and I have the same birthday. We are 19 years apart almost to the hour. She makes the day a little more special. Although, it wasn't always that way. At first I was extremely resentful that I had to share MY birthday. Now it's pretty cool. She doesn't know any different, she's always had to share her day with me. I hope she has never and will never feel cheated.
So she's 18 and I'm 37. She wants to go get a tattoo together. She's talked about it for about a year and when we recently talked about that possiblility it turns out we wanted the same tattoo in the same spot. I told her she needs to really think about this. It took me almost ten years to finally get my tattoo and she says, "yeah, and you got a butterfly just like everyone gets a butterfly for their first tattoo." Dang. I thought everyone got a rose or rosebud. My bad.
I guess we'll get them soon is all I can say.
37 seems like a pretty alright age. True, I'm not married, I'm really as single as they come. I have no children and none on the way. I keep saying maybe one day but I'm really not in a hurry. Sure, the clock is ticking but do I want kids? I struggle with this a lot. A lot.
But it's another year and here I am with a ton of possibilities in front of me. 37 could be a great year.

WHEEEEW!!

Friday I got my vacation pay (I had over a month banked), my last paycheck and I will receive my first installment of my severance in two weeks and every two weeks after that for 18 weeks total. I feel extremely lucky.
I'm taking a slow approach to the job search but I hope to have a job by the end of March or beginning of April. I've been out of work for a week now and I'm already bored outta my gourd. I still have plenty to do on my to-do list but it's not going to last me. Maybe I could do something part-time just to have something to do.
I hate looking for a job. I have always had a job lined up before I end a job. I have stayed at my jobs for years and years. I feel loyal to my employers. Where did I read or hear that these days the average person stays at a job or with a company for an average of five years? Or was it three? Nobody stays someplace for 30 years anymore.
One option I will look into is taking a refesher course to activate my Cosmetology license. May as well since I have the time and the money. Maybe I'll look into a photography class as well.
Everything cost money...

Holding my breath

Still waiting on the severance. Things keep changing and it's frustrating and unfair. Granted, the company doesn't have to give me a severance but it was promised to me and is still not delivered.
Tomorrow I'm suppose to pick up my last check, my vacation pay, and my severance. However, rather than a lump sum I will receive it in installments. I'll find out more tomorrow.
Today was the first day that it hit me that I have to find a new job. Today I got my first twinge of anxiety. It also occurred to me that this is an opportunity to start new, try something different. Although pay will be my main issue in my job search I feel confidant.
I'm so afraid I'm going to get some kind of bad news tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive and keep the attitude that I will deal with whatever issues when I cross that bridge. Right now I have a strong desire to run. Where to I have no clue, just away. I want to turn off my phone, not talk to anyone and just be alone. I care that people care but it's overwhelming. All the questions of "how are you doing?", "what will you do?" being asked four, five times a day is freaking me out to be honest. I just lost my job. How can I instantly get in the mentality of a job search? I know I will have to but I just need a second to catch my breath.

Day one

Today I should have gotten up and gone to work but instead I slept until 9:45, watched the last episode of season two The Wire, and made a To Do list.
I am still on the payroll for this week but am not working. Works for me. I will get a phone call today or tomorrow regarding the severance. I was able to gather information and am certain I will receive it.
There are different channels to go through: court, blah, blah, blah, since the company filed for bankruptcy. I am feeling optimistic about it all though. I have some options and several connections I will be utilizing.
Right now, I'm starting this off with the attitude that I'm enjoying the time off.
My weekend was full and offered plenty of distractions... and unsolicited well-intentioned advice. My family celebrated four January birthday's on Saturday. I got all four seasons of The Office. I am just giddy about it!
Sunday I got away from it all by driving down to my mom's. I enjoyed free laundry and free food. Something that comes in handy when one isn't employed. Throw in quality time with my mom and a long beautiful drive (even in the winter), it wasn't half bad.

Ummm... okay...

New developments.

No severance today.

No vacation pay today.

Possibly Tuesday.

I'm thouroughly pisssed.

I'm kind of numb.

Maybe I'll contract for a time.

Get my hopes up?

Better not.

Looking forward to the new.

Neighbor is bitching about the Board.

No details yet, just a message.


This should be good.

My friends are the best.

What am I still doing up?

Oh yeah, I don't have a job.

Big Brother: Age 40

My older brother's birthday was Sunday. He turned 40. To have a brother who is 40 is a bit surreal as it means I will be 37 shortly. It's also surreal as I still see my brother being 28. I also see myself as being 28. But, how can that be because we weren't born in the same year and neither of us has been 28 for quite some time... him longer than myself, I'd like to point out.

Christmas Day 2008

Although I adore my brother now, I haven't always gotten along with him. There were many times I got the wind knocked out of me from a blow to the stomach. I was also tortured with him pinning me down on my back, arms locked above my head with one of his hands and either being tickled to near death or having his chin or knuckles dig into my chest.


I been forced to smell his breath in the same position described above and there was that one time he came into my room at night and told me to smell his finger. This is the same brother who stood up for me because one of his friends put dirt in my dolly's hair. The same one who, without validation or hesitation, chased down the girl who I said stole my bike... just because she had the same bike as me.


I'll admit, I pushed his buttons and enjoyed it since he's the one that always got in trouble. I think our teen years were the worst. This involved more yelling, throwing glasses, throwing records, hitting back and tears - from both of us. Yet I cried when, at 18, he moved to California. I cried again three months later from happiness this time because he moved back.


We've grown up together. We share experiences that noone else in our family has. WE are the product of our divorced parents. We shared the ups and downs but maybe in seperate ways. After all, he was the older brother, first born, only son and I was the younger sister, baby, only daughter.


I consider myself extremely lucky to have an older brother. Even more lucky to have the older brother I have. He's funny, intellegent, talented and honest. Traits we share from being raised in the same household with the same values. Yet our way of life is so completely different. I am a planner. He lives day to day. In some ways I'm envious of that but I like to believe he's a bit envious of me too.

Sign here

On Friday, at 8:15 a.m., I will sign an "Involuntary Separation Program Agreement and Release"

At 2:30 this afternoon I was called into "the conference room". Yes, I have been laid off due to the company's financial situation. My last day is Friday.... this Friday. Yeah, no shit, the currant owners have run a 142 year old company into the ground in a matter of 18 months.

One good thing about being loyal to a company and putting in years of service is that when you get laid off you get two weeks pay for every year you've worked there. Luckily I have been given a severance that will allow me almost five months until I enter panic mode.

What pissed me off is the man who gave me the news I'd only met once for maybe five seconds. He knows nothing of what I do, how I do it, and the fact that nobody, literally nobody knows the programs I use. Of course it's difficult to lay someone off that hasn't done anything wrong. On paper my position could be eliminated. So be it. BUT, I got no greeting handshake, no apology, no thank you for your nearly 10 years of service, no eye contact. Just business and move along to the next one.

I'm looking at this as a blessing in disguise. I'm getting a severance. If I find a job with in three months, I have a chunk of money I can pay down, and in some cases off, my debts. So this is good, right? Plus, it's a push for me to get out of a job that I got stuck in, too comfortable. I could be getting a larger pay check somewhere else, I'm sure. But I had it sooooo good where I was. Great boss, wore jeans every day, I could take the day off with only a day's notice. I guess it's time to grow up and get a big girl job.

This is hopefully the beginning of something positive.