Another set back

Gah.
An earfull of BS
Tears.

A friend told me I went so long shutting out everything that when I finally let "him" in, I gobbled it up, it woke something up in me and was hungry for more and more.  I missed the affection, the attention, the contentness, and the happiness.  She told me with this last relationship I saw the real mecome back.

That makes me sad.  I tried for so long to be that strong single woman that didn't need a man.  I got a taste of something that came naturally and that actually fit snuggly into my life and I fell apart when it went away.

I don't want to go back into my hole.  It's taking everything I've got to not curl up and disappear for a while.

Starting to snap out of it

After nearly four weeks of feeling down and out I am finally starting to get myself to get on with my life.

Tonight I didn't come home and sleep.  I didn't even feel the strong urge to.  I think part of it is that I didn't think of "him" for almost four hours straight.  Record!  It's so exhausting being sad and it really just isn't my thang.

I came home and immediately threw in a couple loads of laundry and grabbed a bite to eat (leftover fried rice - soooo good!).  I'll do two more loads and feel complete (no, I won't be done with laundry but what's left will fit in the hamper).

I'm taking my 4 1/2 hours of comp time tomorrow.  The Libster has to pack up and move out of her dorm/apartment.  It's already the end of her school year   I'll take her to lunch and help her pack.  I ain't moving nuthin' though.  I'm trying to talk the girl into getting a job for the summer at a movie theater so I can she can see movies for free.  I keep everyone up to date on that as I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats.

First loads of wash are done.  I gotta get to them before some perv is sorting through my underoos.

Light bulbs on all over

I think I just stumbled upon the most brilliant idea I've ever had.

She loves to clean. (I know, it's disgusting).

I hate to clean.  I'd rather stick needles under my fingernails.

I love to do hair.

Do you see where I'm going here?

She was all for it.  I do her hair (color & cut) once a month and she cleans my place once a month.  She charges $25/hour.  She usually gives me $50 - $60 to do her hair.

I'll vacuum and do whatever touch ups inbetween.

We'll work out the details for her starting in a couple weeks.

This is so friggin' exciting.

I'll spill a little because I just need to get a little out

I've pretty much kept to myself over this "breakup".  Mainly because I'm surprised at myself for falling for him, for not expressing my feelings before he left, for missing him, and yes, for crying.  It's a little humiliating, a little pathetic.  I wasn't looking for this and now I want it and it's gone.
It's only been three weeks but it's been the longest three weeks I've lived through in a long, long time.  I think about him all day and fight the urge to contact him.  I did once, a couple of weeks ago, the ball is in his court.  He's not throwing back.
I get home from work and sleep so I don't have to think.  Plus I'm exhausted from all the thinking.  I go workout then I come home and sleep some more but never before midnight.
I put on a happy face and go on with my usual activities but I know I'm a little withdrawn.  I don't look for advice; I don't want advice. I know what to do but staring into space and wallowing in self-pity is sometimes a better alternative in my eyes... my red, puffy eyes.
This past week has been a little better but I don't get over these feelings quickly - I feel deeply.  I can't be friends because I want more.  I understand that sometimes the feelings are only one sided.  Some relationships just don't work and you can't make them.  I hate all that.
I suppose one good thing is that whole part of going to the gym a lot.

Some changes

I made a page tab for "What I'm Reading".  I'm sticking to list format only.

I'm starating a new blog for running and running related things.  This will keep it seperate from all the garbley gook that comes out here.

Run, Fat Girl!  Run!

Run, Fat Girl, Run

Starting today I'm going to attempt to run again.
In the spring of 2004, I ran for three months, challenging myself every step of the way.  I lost weight and felt good.  Then one day I ran and I just became thoroughly exhausted only five minutes in.  I was horribly fatigued for several weeks.  I stopped - for good.  Turns out it was my thyroid levels that were out of whack.  By the time I got them back to where they should be I lost interest in running.  I was afraid of getting that intense fatigued feeling again.
All these years I've talked about starting again but, well, I was lazy.  Now that I've been working out consistently for the past six weeks or so, I'm feeling stronger and motivated.  I'm ready to add to my workout.
Thanks to Laurie's blog I'm determined to start again.  Also on her blog I found a link to another blog and according to this schedule, I'm going to work my butt off - quite literally.
Tonight I started on the treadmill at the gym.  Booooring!  I knew I didn't like running on a treadmill but it was late and dark out and it was my only option (other than putting it off another day).  So, I will definitely be taking this to the great outdoors.
After my run/walk, I stopped at Kohl's and bought a new sports bra, socks and workout shorts.  I will need to buy new running shoes but what I have now will due for a couple weeks.
Wish me luck!
Now I have to work on my playlist...

My mom, the "copter" pilot

My mom and stepdad were in Hawaii this past Feb. for a few weeks (yeah, they got it like that).  My mom, who is terrified of heights sent me this text:

I'm going to be a helicopter pilot.
We went on one w/o doors.
Steve cried like a little girl.

She also said later texted later that if she had her "copter license" she could get somewhere faster.

Me: I don't think anyone would fly with a pilot that calls a chopper a "copter".

Momma: The one with the license can call it whatever they want.

I love my momma.